Offside

“I guess he is,” she replied.

“This is Nicole,” I told him. They shook hands quickly.

“I'm glad Thomas has someone,” he said. He ran his hands through his hair once more and then rubbed his palms against his legs. “I should let you go. I'm sure you have…um…things to do. I'm really sorry about your dad, Thomas.”

I nodded. I'd been doing that a lot as everyone said the same words to me. I wasn't sure if I was sorry or not.

“Call me?” he asked.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Thanks.” He took a big breath and looked out to the parking lot. “I should let you go…um…I guess I said that. I'll be going now. I’m really glad I got to meet you.”

He held out his hand and I shook it.

Our hands looked the same, too.

He said goodbye to both of us and walked around the Jeep toward the lot. Nicole's hand landed on my shoulder, and I looked up at her again.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I'm good.”

“Are you going to call hi

m?”

“I think so,” I said. I furrowed my brow. “Do you think I should?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.”

Greg appeared and held the door while I got myself in the car as he folded up the chair and placed it in the back. He headed to his cruiser while Nicole got in the driver's seat. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before starting up the Jeep and heading toward her house.

As we drove away, I looked back toward the place where my dad's body would lie for the rest of whatever. I still didn't know exactly how I felt about all of it, but I did feel like I was stepping into a new, better world.

Cassius spoke of Caesar when Shakespeare gave him the line: “Men at some time are masters of their fates.” Somehow, I thought maybe I was going to finally be given the opportunity to decide my own destiny.

Now to make it come to fruition.

It was a short drive to Nicole and Greg's house, and my mind bounced back and forth between reciting the conversation with…with my…with Thomas Gardner…over and over again and wondering just how in the fuck I was going to actually get myself up either the six steps on the front porch or getting all the way around to the back of the house to get up the three steps there. Neither option seemed that great, but Greg was right about one thing—I didn't want to be back in my own house again.

Nicole parked the Jeep behind the cruiser, and Greg was already getting my chair out of the back when I opened the passenger door and swung my legs out. He brought the chair around and I got myself in. Then Nicole grabbed the back and started pushing me toward the side of the house.

“What the fuck?” I said as I glanced over to Greg, who was standing at the end of what looked to be a brand new walkway off the left side of the house. Nicole chuckled as she pushed me onto the sidewalk of obviously new concrete. It was narrow, but still had room enough for the wheels of my chair to have a few inches of clearance on either side. “When did you do this?”

“Oh…fairly recently,” Greg said as he walked ahead of us. Nicole turned the corner to the back of the house, and I saw they had installed a ramp to get up the back steps. “The ramp's not quite permanent—I wanted to make sure the angle was right and you didn't have any problems getting up on your own. Want to give it a try?”

I just sat there and stared at him with my bottom lip getting closer and closer to my chest. They had actually had a sidewalk and a ramp made for me. My throat felt a little tight as I looked backwards at Nicole.

“You guys…had this made?”

She nodded, smiling a little.

“You have to be able to get in and out on your own, don't you think?”

“I…” I didn't know what I should say. I looked from Nicole to Greg and then to the ramp.