Joker's Wild (Vegas Underground 5)

There’s weight on his shoulders as he walks to the trash and throws it away. When he comes back, his face is ancient again. “We’ll get you the morning-after pill. I’m sorry this happened.”

Another apology. I could get used to the sweet side of Junior.

I’m still blissed out from the orgasm—no, from more than the orgasm, from the intimacy and sharing we just had, so it takes me a few moments to process what he said.

“No morning-after pill,” I say, rolling up out of bed.

“Desiree…” My name sounds so heavy on his lips. Like he’s exhausted from years of fighting.

“Seriously, Junior.” I’m not willing to block a pregnancy. Not when my heart bleeds for my baby. Not when I consider how much joy that little boy has brought me. “If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be,” I tell him, even though logic says I should think this through. Having Junior Tacone’s child would tie us together for life. And what if it pulled my child into the life he hates? I couldn’t allow that.

But still...I wasn’t through having children. I just knew better than to have another one with Abe.

Junior turns to face me and pushes his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in all directions. “Baby…” Again, he sounds so tired. “I can’t. I really can’t.”

I turn away from him and pick up my clothes from the floor. “It’s not your decision. My body. My choice. End of discussion.”

“Desiree.” He reaches for me, but seems to change his mind, and instead lunges to block my exit to the bathroom.

I steel myself, chin lifted, nostrils flaring.

He holds his palms up in surrender, but I see equal determination in the set of his jaw, the firm line of his lips. “I can’t, Desiree. I’m serious.”

“Why not?” I demand. I’m getting mad now. “Because you’re still married?”

“No—fuck no. Not that.” His throat bobs like he’s working to swallow. Turmoil burns behind his eyes. “I...I had a child.” His voice sounds strangled. I suddenly sense his pain like a tidal wave bowling both of us over.

My breath leaves my chest, mouth drops open. “Y-you did?” My voice comes out a mere whisper.

He nods, blinking rapidly. “Her name was Mia.”

Was.

Oh God. He lost a child. It’s the worse thing I can ever imagine.

I’m crying before he can even get the next word out.

“She drowned in our backyard pool. My wife went in to answer the phone and she fell in and—” His words choke off.

I lunge for him, wrap my arms tight around his waist. “I’m so sorry,” I sob. “That’s so awful. I’m so sorry.”

He draws in a ragged breath. “She was three. Sweetest little girl on Earth. Blonde curls and a happy little voice that never stopped chattering.” His voice breaks. Restarts. Chokes.

I rub his back like he rubbed mine last night. Press my cheek against his chest, hard. Like I can somehow sink into his chest and take the pain right out of his heart.

His arms are so tight around me, I can’t breathe, and I don’t care. It’s exactly what I want.

“That’s why your wife is depressed,” I realize aloud.

“Yeah.”

“That’s why you won’t divorce her.”

“Yeah.”

My heart bleeds for these two ruined people, broken by the death of their tot. I can’t imagine anything more horrific.

And now I know why Junior could handle my pain. Why he wasn’t afraid of my tears or my mourning on Jasper’s birthday. He’s been through something far worse. And he still hasn’t come out the other side of it.

And just when I don’t think I could be any more shocked, feel any deeper range of emotion, Junior says gruffly, “I love you, Desiree.”

“Junior,” I weep. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you. But you’re making it so hard.”

He eases me away and lifts my chin, a sad smile on his face. “It’s okay. I’m not asking for that. I just wanted you to understand. Why I couldn’t...I can’t.”

I nod, but if anything, my resolve is stronger. I believe in free will, but I also believe in a higher power. I believe I could choose against a pregnancy if I didn’t want it. No harm done. That soul would find another place to land. But I also believe that sometimes things are meant to be. Babies can be gifts. To both the mother and the father. What if the events of today resulted in a miracle that changed all our lives for the better?

It’s possible.

And I’m willing to allow the cards to fall where they may.

I grip the sides of Junior’s face and rise up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips.

And because I don’t know what else to say, I just kiss him again. And then I turn and get in the shower.

* * *

Junior

I can’t believe I told her about Mia.