Tainted Kiss (Tainted Knights 1)

I saw these, and they made me think of you. Of how alive you make me feel when you smile at me. Of how free and full my heart is now that you’re in my life. Get well soon, doll. – Love, Kale.

Tears stung my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. Those words, written in his handwriting, touched something deep inside me. It didn’t have the power to erase the memory of that picture of him with those girls, though. Or the pain that still burned in my chest that he had cheated.

I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he had to say about what had happened. At the same time, I was scared. What if what he said was a lie? What if I believed him? What if I was just gullible and wanted to believe him?

Fuck, I didn’t know, and I was still too weak to understand what I wanted, what I needed, and what was actually good for me.

The nurse and her aid finished getting me sorted, got some fizzy lemon-lime soda for me to drink, and then promised they wouldn’t bring food anywhere near me until I asked for it.

I shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Closing my eyes, I tried to drift off, but all I could think about was the flowers and that damn sweet card.

Groaning, I reached for the card on the little rolling table and read it again. Then again and again until the words were burned into my brain. I traced my fingertips over each letter until I got to his name.

The door opened without a warning, and I lifted my head to find Kin walking in with a cup of coffee in her hands. Seeing me sitting up, she smiled.

“Aw, she lives,” she teased as she walked to the bed and took the seat on my left. She pulled something from her pocket and set it on my table. “Thought you might want that. You should think about hiring me as your personal assistant. I got your next two weeks of shoots sorted, plus took care of all the paperwork the bride’s mother was going on and on about yesterday. That woman has a serious vendetta against those caterers.”

“What paperwork?” I asked as I reached for my phone.

“Just, when you got sick, how sick you were, how much time you’ve been in here, and how long your doctor thinks you will stay. It’s for the lawsuit, I guess.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t want to become a chef when I was a kid,” I muttered as I pulled up the home screen on my phone.

My battery was fully charged, and Kin hadn’t touched my text messages because I still had a ridiculous number of unread ones.

Pulling up my messages, I saw that the majority was from Kale. Surprise, surprise. What really did surprise me, though, was that Sage’s mother had texted me.

Pulling it up, I saw that she was apologizing for how Sage had been acting lately. She asked how I was doing, said that she missed me … and she wondered if I thought her daughter was on drugs.

I seriously had no idea what to say to her. Drugs would explain how she had been acting before I moved out. Then again, Sage was a little bipolar with her moods, so I honestly didn’t know.

I shot her a quick text back, then checked the rest of my messages, skipping over Kale’s fifty plus texts … for now. It didn’t take long to deal with the other texts, and then I tossed my phone back onto the table, giving Kin my full attention.

“So …” She took a sip of her coffee, as if she were buying herself time. “We are supposed to fly out to Phoenix next weekend. I wasn’t sure if you were still up to going or …” She shrugged, her eyes going to the flowers by my window, not seeming surprised to see them.

Our plan was to fly out to Phoenix that Friday, surprise the guys at their show, and then stay with them until their tour officially ended that Sunday. Kin was going to ride back with them on the bus, but I had a shoot Monday afternoon, so I had planned on flying back Sunday night after the last show.

Now I wasn’t sure about anything. I didn’t know what to do, what to think, really.

“I don’t know, Kin. Things are a little crazy right now,” I told her honestly. “I’m not even sure Kale and I are still together.”

“Yeah, I get that.” She pressed her lips together, took another sip of her coffee, then blew out a long sigh. “Look, Kale is out in the waiting room. He’s been here since Monday night. The poor dude hasn’t left once. He wouldn’t leave because he was scared you would get worse, or that you might have wanted him. He hasn’t left once.”

Tears filled my eyes. I turned my head away so she couldn’t see them, but then my blurred eyes landed on the beautiful flowers and those damn words that were now tattooed into my memory filled my head.

“Of all the Tainted Knight guys, Kale is probably the most honorable,” she went on. “And that includes Jace. He’s a good guy, Santana. He’s sweet and kind, and yes, a total goofball at times. I’ve seen how he is with you. Hell, a blind man could see how he is with you. He cares about you, and I don’t think he would ever intentionally hurt you.”

“I suppose he’s told you what happened?” I turned my head, no longer caring if she saw me crying or not.

“He has, yes.” I opened my mouth, but she stopped me. “No, babe. I’m not going to tell you. I’m not here to convince you one way or another about breaking up with him. That’s up to you. I just think you should give him a few minutes. Let him tell you in his own words what happened, and then, if you want him gone, I’ll be on the other side of the door to kick his ass out.”

I chewed that over for a few minutes. I knew she was right, and I knew that I needed to face this rather than continuing to put it off. I was a fucking adult, and I needed to face my problems head-on rather than ignoring them and hoping they would fix themselves. It was the pain that scared me, though. He had the power to decimate my heart, a heart that was already badly bruised from that stupid picture alone.

My gaze fell on the card lying on the table beside my phone. “I don’t know what to do, Kin. I was pretty sure I was in love with him until that picture. Now I feel kind of lost.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” She took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “But I think you’re going to continue feeling lost until you talk to him.”

She was right. I had to talk to him, if for no other reason than to give myself some closure.