Tainted Bastard (Tainted Knights 4)

She pressed her lips together, quiet for a few long moments, during which I was practically begging her with my eyes to give me another chance. Finally, she shrugged. “Yeah, sure. We’ll come hang out with you for a little while. We need more friends anyway.”

I stiffened at the way she said “friend,” and I knew she was including me in that category. I didn’t want to be her fucking friend, damn it. I wanted all of her. But there was determination on her face, and I knew if I wanted to be with Roanna, I was going to have to give her time.

Grinning, I winked. The blush that filled her cheeks turned the grin into a smirk. She could pretend to be cool and immune to me all she wanted, but that blush would give her away every damn time. “We could all use more friends, sweet girl.”

Chapter 8

Roanna

The gym was always full Friday mornings. I disliked coming Fridays unless my soul sisters could come with me. But everyone, with the exception of London, couldn’t be dragged out of bed today, and I was in desperate need of working off the cheesecake I’d eaten the night before.

“Do you want me to run with you?” London asked as we finished putting our things away in the lockers we chose in the women’s changing room.

I wanted to tell her yes, to beg her not to leave me with all those guys out there, but I shook my head, knowing she preferred to run the track rather than the treadmills and ellipticals I was more comfortable with for my cardio workout. “I’m good,” I told her, even though my palms were already beginning to sweat.

Tossing me a bottle of water, she shot me a relieved smile and headed out the door toward the stairs. The track was on the second floor and overlooked the middle of all the workout equipment, so she would be able to see me, and I could see her.

Fuck, it was like I was a little girl, unable to leave the sight of her mother for fear of the big, bad boogeymen who roamed the streets. I felt pathetic, but there was nothing I could do about it. My soul sisters were my security blanket. I knew they would save me, no matter what, but they needed their space, and so did I at times.

I finished braiding my hair so it wouldn’t get in my face and headed for the cardio equipment.

As I walked, I could feel eyes on me, and I lowered my head, determined not to make eye contact with anyone. If I wasn’t looking at them, then they couldn’t say I was singling them out and wanted their attention. That was what Sicko Stan always claimed when I tried to tell him no. I’d looked at him. He could see on my face that I wanted him. It was all my own fault, because I was leading him on with my eyes.

I shuddered at the memories and found a treadmill in the back. There was an empty one between me and some chick who looked like she could easily dead lift both London and me simultaneously. Putting in my wireless earbuds, I dropped my water into the cupholder and started a brisk walk to warm up my muscles.

Ten minutes later, I was already dripping with sweat, regretting every minute of that foodgasm I’d had the night before with the decadent cheesecake. It was my own fault. I l

et Sin talk me into going out for something sweet to eat with the others. Kassa St. Charles wanted Cheesecake Factory, and it seemed none of the guys with us last night could utter the word “no” to her, so that was where we ended up.

I ordered the lemon meringue and moaned as soon as it touched my tongue. I ate almost all of it before Sin offered me a bite of his Cinnabon cinnamon roll cheesecake. That had been my second choice, and he’d watched with amusement while I struggled to pick. So, of course, he knew I would say yes if he offered.

I let him feed me a bite of his cheesecake, and I was pretty sure I orgasmed from how creamy the damn thing was. Which meant I didn’t say no when he fed me a second bite.

It was a stupid decision, one I was regretting today. Just as I was regretting letting him talk me into hanging out the night before. We had fun all evening, but it was as we were all paying the bill and getting ready to leave that Kale asked Sin if he was going to call that girl and her friend they’d hooked up with the night before, and I wanted to disappear.

All evening, his attention had been on me, and I’d lapped it up like a thirsty puppy. Nothing had ever felt so good—so right—as just sitting beside Sin. Talking came more naturally with him, and he could make me laugh even when I just wanted to disappear.

And though I’d told him we were only friends, deep down, I knew I was only deluding myself. I wanted more. Even though the idea of more terrified me, I still wanted it. But why would he want me if he could have anyone else? Someone who wasn’t scared of her own shadow or flinched away at the smallest touch.

Friends were all we could ever be because I didn’t think I could give him the more I wanted. That just wasn’t fair to him, and I couldn’t have stomached him cheating on me just to get it.

Slowing down so I could take a drink of water, in my periphery I noticed a guy had taken the treadmill beside me. I stiffened and snuck a glance at what the guy looked like, and I nearly tripped over my own feet.

A strong hand shot out, grasping my arm even as he continued to jog, steadying me until I got my footing back. “You okay, sweet girl?”

“I’m good,” I choked out with a nod in case he didn’t hear me.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he released me. “If I’d known you were coming in today, I could have picked you up on my way.”

“I came with London. We’re usually in here every Friday. The times vary, though.” As in, I came earlier in the mornings instead of the afternoons now because I didn’t want to run into him. More specifically, so I didn’t see him leaving with whatever brunette in tight spandex. That seemed to be his type, though. Brunettes with surgically enhanced curves, who wore makeup to the gym and never sweated enough to have actually worked out. They were there looking for a hookup—or so London sneered at the women who just walked around in their tight-ass clothes, bending over to pick up something only when they knew guys were looking their way.

Two other times I’d come with the girls at our usual time, that was exactly what I’d seen. The look on his face would tell me what he was thinking, and my heart would twist and jealousy would try to eat at my sanity. After that last time, I started coming earlier and earlier, hoping to avoid being put in a position where I would experience those unwanted feelings.

“Mind if I work out with you?” he asked, his bottom lip pouted out as if he expected me to say no.

I should have.

But it was as if the smart side of my brain switched off the minute I looked at him. “Sure. Friends work out together, right?”