Hungry For More

Brian: Running late. Don’t forget I’m bringing Jensen with me.

My heart flutters at the mention of Jensen. He’s my brother’s co-worker, but over the years they’ve become friends. Brian’s bringing him home for Thanksgiving since they’ve both been in Chicago together working on a deal. Brian and my dad are always buying and reselling companies. I didn’t know how Jensen plays into all of it, but I know he doesn’t work for the family company. He’s around my brother enough for Brian to mention him a good bit, even more so lately.

Apparently, Jensen doesn’t have a family and my brother is pretty much dragging him here. As much as my family can drive me crazy with their overprotectiveness, I could never imagine not having them. I love them and it’s why I let them get away with more than I should. Though I haven’t pushed too hard against the cage they keep me in. Who knows what would happen if I truly tried to step outside of it. I don’t have the desire to find out. Yet.

I think about Jensen far more than I should after my brother sent me a candid shot of him so I’d know what he looked like. I think it was taken right before my brother sent it to me. Jensen didn’t look happy about it. In fact, he looked downright annoyed. I’m ashamed to say his intense stare and the furrow between his brows did things to my body I’d never felt before. Now I can’t get his handsome, grumpy face out of my mind. I’m too excited to meet a man who doesn’t want to be here. Not only that, but he’s staying here under the same roof as me. I could fan myself just thinking about all the fantasies I’ve conjured up in my mind.

Me: See you soon. Making your favorite cookies

I walk into the laundry room to throw my dress into the dryer, hoping the heat will get the wrinkles out. I hate to iron, and a little fluff is all I need.

If Jensen eats as much as my brother, I need to get a head start on cooking. I think Jensen is as big if not bigger than my brother. I could tell by the way he dominated the space in the chair he was sitting in. In the photo he was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and giving the camera a look that made me think he could have broken the phone in half with his bare hands. I’m sure my brother only laughed at him. He’s always been brazen, even before he had his growth spurt in high school.

I turn on some music that flows through the speakers of the house and try to drown out my thoughts. I know it won’t work, but at least I can try as I get all my ingredients and turn on the oven.

I start on the cookies and my mind drifts to Jensen having to spend Thanksgiving with us. A sad feeling creeps into my stomach when I think that he has nowhere else to go. It’s a shame he doesn’t have a family to make him his favorites or prepare a big Thanksgiving dinner. He could have a girlfriend, I remind myself for the twenty millionth time. I wanted to ask my brother about him, but I know that would set off his radar. Not that I blame him after Jimmy, but he can go overboard.

My brother has no social media, so I couldn’t try and take a peek to see if there was a Jensen on his friends list. I went so far as digging into the gossip columns on websites to see if my brother was mentioned with someone named Jensen. There was nothing and I only have the one picture. I’m crafting my own story for Jensen inside my head and right now he’s single.

If he does have a girlfriend, wouldn’t he be with her on Thanksgiving? I have the same silly battle back and forth in my head and I keep coming up with different reasons for why he is or isn’t with his perfect girlfriend. Who I hate.

Maybe I need to date. I haven’t done it because there’s a fear deep inside of me that I can’t. I’m focusing in on Jensen because it’s a safe fantasy and I know nothing will come of it. My brother would lose it if he thought I had interest in his friend, so I shake my head, not wanting to go down that road. I’ve got enough people analyzing my every move since the attack that I’m not going to do it to myself, too.

I hadn’t brought up the topic of dating with my parents because I knew it would get them worked up. I’ve only recently gotten them comfortable with me living here, but it’s time. I want to fall in love and make a few dozen babies. The flutter I get when I look at Jensen’s picture is new and exciting, and I’ve never felt that way before.