Independent Study (The Testing 2)

. In order to prevent conflicts, they must be certain their exact meaning is understood by the people who follow them. With that kind of responsibility facing those of us who make it to graduation, it is not surprising University officials wish to test that ability.

I reread the question, decide my answer is complete and within the scope, and then move on to the next. My pencil flies across the page as I explain the Four Stages of War various governments inflicted upon one another and on the earth. I describe the next Three Stages, in which the earth fought back against the chemicals and other destructive forces unleashed upon it. Earthquakes, windstorms, floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes swept across the globe, destroying in a matter of years what took humans centuries to create. The damage that for the past one hundred years the United Commonwealth has worked hard to repair.

My writing fills the pages. Chemistry. Geography. Physics. History. Music. Art. Reading comprehension. Biology. Each question brings a new subject. A different skill set. Most I can answer. My breath catches as I leave one blank. I am not certain what the question is asking for or what the answer might be. I hope I will have time to revisit it when I complete the rest. If not . . . My mind starts to drift to the words spoken on the Transit Communicator recording. The fate suffered by candidates of The Testing who dared answer a question wrong.

No. I pull my thoughts back. Worrying about the past won’t help. I can only deal with the present.

According to the clock, I have just shy of four hours to finish my test. I roll out my shoulders and realize how stiff I am. Between tension and inactivity, my muscles are beginning to protest. My empty stomach is adding its complaints. While fear of failure urges me to press on, I can hear my mother’s voice saying a brain and body need fuel to function at peak performance. I don’t want to run out of time, but running out of energy and focus would be even worse.

I glance around the room. Every desk is occupied. No one else has taken a break. Will leaving the room to refuel be considered a sign of weakness by University officials? I scan the room for signs of cameras and find none. But just because I can’t spot them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

My stomach growls again. My throat is dry, and my eyes feel grainy. Regardless of how my actions might be perceived, I need a break. If I don’t take a moment to recharge, the rest of my answers will suffer for it.

Swallowing hard, I close my booklet, place my pencil next to the papers, and raise my hand. Professor Lee doesn’t notice me right away, but some of the other students do. Several give me smug looks, as though proud their stamina is greater than mine. Others, like Stacia, shake their heads. For a moment, I consider putting down my hand, but Tomas’s encouraging nod makes me raise it higher in the air.

Professor Lee spots me, smiles, and signals permission to leave my desk. My joints are stiff as I walk to the front of the class. A female official in ceremonial red is waiting for me outside the classroom door. She escorts me down the stairs to a room on the first floor where a table with food and water awaits. I fill a plate with chicken, slices of a sharp-smelling cheese, and salad made of fruits, greens, and nuts—all foods my parents encouraged my brothers and me to eat before important exams—and dig in.

I barely register the taste as I chew and swallow. This is not food to be savored. It is fuel to get me through the next four hours. I finish my meal quickly and then use the bathroom and splash water on my face. Less than fifteen minutes has elapsed when I slide into my desk feeling far more alert than when I left. Picking up my pencil, I open the booklet and once again begin to write.

Questions on genetic code, historical figures, important breakthroughs in medicine and solar power collection are asked. My fingers cramp. The pages fill. I get to the last question and blink. Please tell us your preferred focus of study and why you feel you are best suited to be selected for that career path. This is my chance to convince the University administrators of my passion and ability to help develop our country’s technology.

Taking a deep breath, I begin to write. All my hopes pour onto the page. My desire to help upgrade the communications system from our country’s limited use of pulse radios to a sophisticated network that would be available to every citizen. My excitement about new energy sources that would better power our lights and other devices. My absolute belief that I can make a difference in the technological future of the United Commonwealth.

Time slips away as I write and rewrite my answer, worried that one wrong word will change the focus of my career. One by one, my fellow students raise their booklets over their heads, wait for them to be collected, and leave the room, until there are only five of us left. I am satisfied with my final answer and look up at the clock. Three minutes remain.

My mouth goes dry as I remember. I skipped four questions with the intent of going back later. Only, I spent so much time constructing my final answer there isn’t enough time. My heart races as I flip back, hoping to answer just one of them. But I don’t. The clock expires as I finish reading the first unanswered question again. Pencils down. The examination is over. And I have not finished.

None of the questions I failed to answer are math- or science-related—the subjects I believe are most important to Mechanical Engineering. I try to take solace in that as I hand my booklet to Professor Lee. But my failure to complete the exam makes it hard for me to hold my head up as I walk out of the room. All I can do now is hope for the best.

Tomas is waiting for me on the steps outside. The smile on his face disappears as he looks into my eyes. “How did it go?”

“I left four questions unanswered. If I hadn’t taken a break for food, I would have finished.”

Tomas shakes his head. “Taking a break was smart. I wouldn’t have taken one if you hadn’t. I was losing focus. You reminded me that it’s important to step away and clear the mind. When I came back from my break, I reread my last answer and found two errors. I owe you for that.”

The gentle kiss he gives me is more than payment enough.

When Tomas steps back, he flashes a dimpled grin. “I also owe you for the entertainment. The looks on everyone’s faces when you walked out of the room were priceless. They didn’t know whether to be impressed or intimidated by your confidence.”

I blink. Confidence was the last thing I’d been feeling when I left the examination room. But Tomas’s words make me stop and think. How would I have felt if someone else had raised her hand first? Had gone out for a snack while time ticked away on the clock? I would have assumed the student had no concern about finishing the test on time. In fact, the student’s departure would have made me assume she would not only finish the exam but have time to spare. Tomas’s words are a good reminder. Thinking something is true doesn’t make it so. Perception is almost as important as reality.

The light starts to fade as Tomas and I walk hand in hand to the University’s dining facility. Older students tend to avoid the dining hall, since every designated field of study has its own residence and kitchen. Most days, the only people using this hall are a handful of low-ranking University administrators, one or two professors, and me and my fellow Early Studies students. The food provided is usually simple: sandwiches, fruit, rolls, raw vegetables. Nothing that requires great amounts of preparation or effort to keep warm. Despite the major milestone we have just completed, the food remains the same. No celebration for us. Not yet. Not until scores have been determined and fields of study assigned.

During the last six months as University students, we’ve taken a number of tests. After each, the dining hall was filled with chatter comparing answers, lamenting mistakes, and celebrating correct responses. Today there is none of that. Most of my fellow students keep their eyes on their plates as they eat. Some don’t eat at all. They just push the food around, trying to look normal. Everyone feels fatigue from the test and anxiety over the results.

I pick at the bread and fruit. Worry makes it impossible to eat much more than a few mouthfuls. Tomas has no problem cleaning his plate. I guess I don’t have to ask how he did on the exam.

Pushing away the remains of my meal, I ask, “Do you think they’ll give us the results first thing in the morning or make us wait until later in the day?”

Before Tomas can speculate, a tenor voice says, “It’ll happen first thing.”

Tomas stiffens as our fellow Early Studies student Will grins and slides his lanky body into the empty seat next to me. Inside I flinch. Outwardly, I smile. “You sound pretty confident.”

“That’s because I am.” His eyes gleam. “I overheard a couple of administrators talking. Pulling an all-nighter to make sure examination results are ready first thing in the morning wasn’t on their top ten list of favorite things to do.” His smile widens. “They were seriously annoyed. They don’t mind making us lose sleep, but they don’t like doing it themselves. So how did you guys do today?”

Tomas shrugs and looks down at his plate. For some reason Tomas won’t explain, he doesn’t like Will. Not that Tomas is ever rude. He’s not. But the way he gives minimal responses speaks volumes, as does the look in his eyes. There is a wariness. A distrust.

“How about you, Cia?” Will asks. “I’m guessing you aced this like you do everything else. Right?”