Lost & Found (Lost & Found 1)

“These lovely, eager girls are my daughters,” Rose said, waving at the three girls looking at me without blinking.

“Hey,” I said awkwardly, flashing them just as awkward a wave. I wasn’t sure how much my mom had told Rose about my life and the “mess” (Mom’s term, not mine) I’d made of it. From the looks of it, those girls either knew everything and were wide-eyed in terror or knew nothing and were under the impression I was as cool as chocolate ice cream.

“I’ll make the formal introductions since everyone seems a little tongue-tied,” Rose said, giving her daughters a confused look. “This is Lily.” Rose motioned at the tallest girl, a clone of her mom right down to the flowery dress and the long, dark hair and eyes. “She’s sixteen, and if she goes missing, the first place to look for her is hiding in the barn loft devouring her latest book.”

Lily smiled shyly at me before dropping her eyes. Quiet, a little awkward, and liked to hide away from the rest of the world whenever she got the chance . . . I liked her already.

“This is Hyacinth.” Rose moved on to the next girl who was yet another clone. “She’s thirteen and every bit of thirteen.” Rose lifted her brows and gave her daughter an equally maternal and amused smile.

Hyacinth gave me a smile and a wave. She had none of the pissed-off-at-the-whole-world attitude I’d possessed at thirteen, but I guessed Rose’s and my definition of a teenager were a wee bit different.

“And the little one is Clementine. She’s seven.” Rose bit her lip as she inspected her youngest daughter dolled up in head-to-toe princess garb. Even though the whole princess thing was pretty much my arch nemesis, I had to give the girl credit. She was going to be the best damn princess she could be.

“Mom,” Clementine said, sighing in exasperation, “I’m not little.”

Rose lifted her hands in apology. “You’re right. Forgive me, Your Highness.” Nudging me, Rose cleared her throat. “This is Clementine. She’s my big girl.”

Clementine rolled her shoulders back and gave a small nod, obviously appeased. “How do you do?” she said formally, capping it off with the best curtsy I’d ever seen.

“Nice to meet you, Your Highness.” I gave her my own sucky attempt at a curtsy. Clementine, no big surprise, was yet another mini-clone of Rose.

“And I know you already know, but just to make the introductions formal, this is Rowen,” Rose said, glancing from her daughters to me. “My girls have been crossing off the days on their calendars since they learned you were coming. We don’t get female company out here very often. Especially female company from a big city.”

I suddenly became very aware of myself. My outfit, my eyebrow ring, my dark lips. What a disappointment I must have been. No doubt those girls were looking forward to some chic, trendy girl plucked straight from the pages of Cosmo, not a troubled girl who lived dark like it was a religion.

Oh, well. It wasn’t the first or the hundredth time I’d disappointed someone. I cleared my throat and tried to forget about it.

“Rose,” I said, pointing at her. “Lily.” I pointed at the one still diverting her eyes. “Hyacinth.” My finger moved to the next sister, who was still smiling at me, before ending on the littlest “big” girl of the bunch. “And Clementine?” They must have run out of flower names by the time she came along.

“My husband wasn’t too big on the names Peony or Iris, so we compromised and went with a name just as sweet and delicate as the rest of ours,” Rose answered. Clementine stood a couple of inches taller.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” I said, really needing that bath and bed. The crack-of-dawn wake up, the twelve hours of nose rot, the ride in Old Bessie with the cowboy I already both loved and hated, and meeting the mini-Rose clones who were overwhelming me with a skewed version of hero worship . . . I was spent.

“Let me show you up to your room,” Rose said, steering me out of the living room. “You and the girls have plenty of time to get to know each other this summer.”

We were almost out of the living room when something caught my attention. I came to an abrupt stop. So abrupt, Rose continued all the way into the hallway before she noticed I wasn’t with her anymore.

“Rowen?”

I didn’t reply. All my attention was concentrated on the mantle where four framed portraits highlighted four smiling faces: three dark-haired girls I’d just been introduced to . . . and one light-haired boy smiling that dimpled smile. He was in the same sort of outfit he’d worn earlier: a snug white tee, tighter than tight jeans, a simple belt, cowboy boots, and that light straw cowboy hat. Leaning into the side of Old Bessie, his eyes twinkled behind the glass of that frame like they had at me.

“What is it?” Rose asked with a hint of concern as she made her way back to me. Taking a look at what my eyes were bored into, she gave me a gentle nudge. “He’s a good looking kid, isn’t he?” Even if I wanted to agree or disagree, that was beside the point.

“Why do you have a picture of Jesse on your mantle?” I asked, my voice a couple notes higher. “Next to the pictures of your daughters?” I didn’t really need the confirmation, because my thought process had already traveled from A to B to arrive at C.

“Jesse’s our son, silly,” she said, giving a small laugh. “Didn’t he mention that?”

Great. Cowboy Infuriating Jesse wasn’t just a ranch hand; he was the ranch owner’s son. He didn’t only work here, he lived here. He’d grown up here. Which meant . . .

He had a room somewhere inside the suddenly small-seeming farmhouse. Somewhere, he took a shower at the end of a long day before crawling between his sheets and falling asleep. For all I knew, his room could be a piece of drywall apart from mine. I wasn’t sure if the knowledge of Jesse buck nak*d a room away or the possibility of waking up to Johnny Cash blasting every morning unsettled me more.

“Shit.”It slipped out before I could catch it. Covering my mouth with my hand, I shot Rose an apologetic look. “Sorry about that.” I looked over her shoulder at the girls doing such an overdone job at playing ignorant to what I’d said, I knew they weren’t.

“It’s all right,” she said. “Lord knows with the men we have working around here, they’ve heard worse.”

I felt better knowing I hadn’t just introduced the Walker girls to a new four letter word, but I felt nothing better about Jesse being a Walker. “So Jesse’s your son?” I guess hearing it once just wasn’t enough to convince me. Really, other than the country attire and warm personality, he had no physical similarities to tie him to his mom and sisters. Maybe Mr. Walker was tall, built, and blond like Jesse.

“He’s our son,” she said, smiling affectionately at Jesse’s photo. “At least on the days he remembers to pick up his wet towels from the bathroom floor.”

Super. After she mentioned Jesse and wet towels, my mind went to him all wet and soapy in the shower.

“Are you surprised?” Rose asked, looking from his photo to me.

“Maybe a little,” I said, at the point where I was ready to forfeit the bath and just head straight to bed. I needed to put the day on pause before it got any more trippy.

“Well, now you know.” Rose patted my arm before heading back into the hall. I followed her because if I stared at that picture for another second, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to look away. “Jesse’s a hard worker, a good son, and an even better person. If you ever need something, Jesse will be the first in line to help you out.”

I felt a twinge of pain hearing the way Rose talked about her son and watching the affection on her face. No one had ever talked about me that way, like I was so close to perfect the imperfections were washed away.

I followed Rose up the staircase to the second floor. The hall walls were painted a Tuscan gold, and on the outside of each door, a letter made out of heated and formed horseshoes swung from a piece of rope. An L and an H hung from the first doors we passed. Then a C.

I swallowed and felt my stomach coil as we approached the next door. I blew out a rush of air when Rose stopped. No letter swung from it. So I had Clementine beside me and Lily across the hall and down. My room was the last room at the end of the hall. Wherever Jesse’s room was, I could sleep easy knowing it wasn’t anywhere near mine.

I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or disappointed.

Rose opened the door. “This will be your room for the summer. It’s not much, but if you think of anything else you need, just let me or Neil know—”

“It’s great,” I interrupted, stepping inside the room. “Really. It’s great. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I came here today. I was half expecting I’d be sleeping out in the barn.”

“Why ever would you think that?” she asked, lingering in the doorway. “You’re our guest here. We’re happy to have you, Rowen, and I don’t know how you big city people do it, but we certainly don’t put our guests out in the barn.” A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “At least not on the first stay.”

“I might be a guest to you, but my mom thinks of me more as an inmate out here— fulfilling a sentence.”

“Oh, honey,” Rose said through a sigh. “I know your mom would rather die than show her emotions most days, but I’m as certain as I love my own children that she loves hers, too.” She drew me into a tight hug. I was thankful she couldn’t see my face because I knew my eyes were a little glassy. I felt the familiar burn. I might not have cried in years, but I still remembered how it felt.

I wasn’t sure if I was approaching the cry zone because we were talking about my mom and her inability to show any positive emotion, or because in a half hour, Rose had shown me more affection and maternal concern than my mother had in five years. Whatever the reason, I wasn’t ready to break my dry spell.

Guessing I needed or wanted to be alone, Rose gave me one final squeeze before heading for the door. “Neil and I are down on the first floor if you need anything, but I guarantee if you knocked on any of my daughter’s doors, they would cut off their ponytail for an excuse to chat with you. So don’t hesitate to ask one of us if you need something. Okay?” She started to close the door but stopped and waited for my reply.

“Okay.” I nodded, wondering if when I woke up, the Walker family I’d met today would still be the same. Despite resembling something all too idealistic for my pessimistic outlook, I found myself almost hoping nothing would change. “Thanks again for having me.”

“Thank you for having us,” she said with a wink before closing the door noiselessly.

I exhaled. I’d done it. I’d made it across Oregon, some of Washington and Idaho, and into Montana. I’d survived the Greyhound system. I’d met the Walkers, and really, I couldn’t imagine a better family to be “enslaved” to for the summer. Sure, they seemed like hard working, dawn-to-dusk people, but they also seemed fair and good. I’d survived introductions, and I had some time to myself to unpack and unwind.

o;These lovely, eager girls are my daughters,” Rose said, waving at the three girls looking at me without blinking.

“Hey,” I said awkwardly, flashing them just as awkward a wave. I wasn’t sure how much my mom had told Rose about my life and the “mess” (Mom’s term, not mine) I’d made of it. From the looks of it, those girls either knew everything and were wide-eyed in terror or knew nothing and were under the impression I was as cool as chocolate ice cream.

“I’ll make the formal introductions since everyone seems a little tongue-tied,” Rose said, giving her daughters a confused look. “This is Lily.” Rose motioned at the tallest girl, a clone of her mom right down to the flowery dress and the long, dark hair and eyes. “She’s sixteen, and if she goes missing, the first place to look for her is hiding in the barn loft devouring her latest book.”

Lily smiled shyly at me before dropping her eyes. Quiet, a little awkward, and liked to hide away from the rest of the world whenever she got the chance . . . I liked her already.

“This is Hyacinth.” Rose moved on to the next girl who was yet another clone. “She’s thirteen and every bit of thirteen.” Rose lifted her brows and gave her daughter an equally maternal and amused smile.

Hyacinth gave me a smile and a wave. She had none of the pissed-off-at-the-whole-world attitude I’d possessed at thirteen, but I guessed Rose’s and my definition of a teenager were a wee bit different.

“And the little one is Clementine. She’s seven.” Rose bit her lip as she inspected her youngest daughter dolled up in head-to-toe princess garb. Even though the whole princess thing was pretty much my arch nemesis, I had to give the girl credit. She was going to be the best damn princess she could be.

“Mom,” Clementine said, sighing in exasperation, “I’m not little.”

Rose lifted her hands in apology. “You’re right. Forgive me, Your Highness.” Nudging me, Rose cleared her throat. “This is Clementine. She’s my big girl.”

Clementine rolled her shoulders back and gave a small nod, obviously appeased. “How do you do?” she said formally, capping it off with the best curtsy I’d ever seen.

“Nice to meet you, Your Highness.” I gave her my own sucky attempt at a curtsy. Clementine, no big surprise, was yet another mini-clone of Rose.

“And I know you already know, but just to make the introductions formal, this is Rowen,” Rose said, glancing from her daughters to me. “My girls have been crossing off the days on their calendars since they learned you were coming. We don’t get female company out here very often. Especially female company from a big city.”

I suddenly became very aware of myself. My outfit, my eyebrow ring, my dark lips. What a disappointment I must have been. No doubt those girls were looking forward to some chic, trendy girl plucked straight from the pages of Cosmo, not a troubled girl who lived dark like it was a religion.

Oh, well. It wasn’t the first or the hundredth time I’d disappointed someone. I cleared my throat and tried to forget about it.

“Rose,” I said, pointing at her. “Lily.” I pointed at the one still diverting her eyes. “Hyacinth.” My finger moved to the next sister, who was still smiling at me, before ending on the littlest “big” girl of the bunch. “And Clementine?” They must have run out of flower names by the time she came along.

“My husband wasn’t too big on the names Peony or Iris, so we compromised and went with a name just as sweet and delicate as the rest of ours,” Rose answered. Clementine stood a couple of inches taller.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” I said, really needing that bath and bed. The crack-of-dawn wake up, the twelve hours of nose rot, the ride in Old Bessie with the cowboy I already both loved and hated, and meeting the mini-Rose clones who were overwhelming me with a skewed version of hero worship . . . I was spent.

“Let me show you up to your room,” Rose said, steering me out of the living room. “You and the girls have plenty of time to get to know each other this summer.”

We were almost out of the living room when something caught my attention. I came to an abrupt stop. So abrupt, Rose continued all the way into the hallway before she noticed I wasn’t with her anymore.

“Rowen?”

I didn’t reply. All my attention was concentrated on the mantle where four framed portraits highlighted four smiling faces: three dark-haired girls I’d just been introduced to . . . and one light-haired boy smiling that dimpled smile. He was in the same sort of outfit he’d worn earlier: a snug white tee, tighter than tight jeans, a simple belt, cowboy boots, and that light straw cowboy hat. Leaning into the side of Old Bessie, his eyes twinkled behind the glass of that frame like they had at me.

“What is it?” Rose asked with a hint of concern as she made her way back to me. Taking a look at what my eyes were bored into, she gave me a gentle nudge. “He’s a good looking kid, isn’t he?” Even if I wanted to agree or disagree, that was beside the point.

“Why do you have a picture of Jesse on your mantle?” I asked, my voice a couple notes higher. “Next to the pictures of your daughters?” I didn’t really need the confirmation, because my thought process had already traveled from A to B to arrive at C.

“Jesse’s our son, silly,” she said, giving a small laugh. “Didn’t he mention that?”

Great. Cowboy Infuriating Jesse wasn’t just a ranch hand; he was the ranch owner’s son. He didn’t only work here, he lived here. He’d grown up here. Which meant . . .

He had a room somewhere inside the suddenly small-seeming farmhouse. Somewhere, he took a shower at the end of a long day before crawling between his sheets and falling asleep. For all I knew, his room could be a piece of drywall apart from mine. I wasn’t sure if the knowledge of Jesse buck nak*d a room away or the possibility of waking up to Johnny Cash blasting every morning unsettled me more.

“Shit.”It slipped out before I could catch it. Covering my mouth with my hand, I shot Rose an apologetic look. “Sorry about that.” I looked over her shoulder at the girls doing such an overdone job at playing ignorant to what I’d said, I knew they weren’t.

“It’s all right,” she said. “Lord knows with the men we have working around here, they’ve heard worse.”

I felt better knowing I hadn’t just introduced the Walker girls to a new four letter word, but I felt nothing better about Jesse being a Walker. “So Jesse’s your son?” I guess hearing it once just wasn’t enough to convince me. Really, other than the country attire and warm personality, he had no physical similarities to tie him to his mom and sisters. Maybe Mr. Walker was tall, built, and blond like Jesse.

“He’s our son,” she said, smiling affectionately at Jesse’s photo. “At least on the days he remembers to pick up his wet towels from the bathroom floor.”

Super. After she mentioned Jesse and wet towels, my mind went to him all wet and soapy in the shower.

“Are you surprised?” Rose asked, looking from his photo to me.

“Maybe a little,” I said, at the point where I was ready to forfeit the bath and just head straight to bed. I needed to put the day on pause before it got any more trippy.

“Well, now you know.” Rose patted my arm before heading back into the hall. I followed her because if I stared at that picture for another second, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to look away. “Jesse’s a hard worker, a good son, and an even better person. If you ever need something, Jesse will be the first in line to help you out.”

I felt a twinge of pain hearing the way Rose talked about her son and watching the affection on her face. No one had ever talked about me that way, like I was so close to perfect the imperfections were washed away.

I followed Rose up the staircase to the second floor. The hall walls were painted a Tuscan gold, and on the outside of each door, a letter made out of heated and formed horseshoes swung from a piece of rope. An L and an H hung from the first doors we passed. Then a C.

I swallowed and felt my stomach coil as we approached the next door. I blew out a rush of air when Rose stopped. No letter swung from it. So I had Clementine beside me and Lily across the hall and down. My room was the last room at the end of the hall. Wherever Jesse’s room was, I could sleep easy knowing it wasn’t anywhere near mine.

I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or disappointed.

Rose opened the door. “This will be your room for the summer. It’s not much, but if you think of anything else you need, just let me or Neil know—”

“It’s great,” I interrupted, stepping inside the room. “Really. It’s great. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I came here today. I was half expecting I’d be sleeping out in the barn.”

“Why ever would you think that?” she asked, lingering in the doorway. “You’re our guest here. We’re happy to have you, Rowen, and I don’t know how you big city people do it, but we certainly don’t put our guests out in the barn.” A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “At least not on the first stay.”

“I might be a guest to you, but my mom thinks of me more as an inmate out here— fulfilling a sentence.”

“Oh, honey,” Rose said through a sigh. “I know your mom would rather die than show her emotions most days, but I’m as certain as I love my own children that she loves hers, too.” She drew me into a tight hug. I was thankful she couldn’t see my face because I knew my eyes were a little glassy. I felt the familiar burn. I might not have cried in years, but I still remembered how it felt.

I wasn’t sure if I was approaching the cry zone because we were talking about my mom and her inability to show any positive emotion, or because in a half hour, Rose had shown me more affection and maternal concern than my mother had in five years. Whatever the reason, I wasn’t ready to break my dry spell.

Guessing I needed or wanted to be alone, Rose gave me one final squeeze before heading for the door. “Neil and I are down on the first floor if you need anything, but I guarantee if you knocked on any of my daughter’s doors, they would cut off their ponytail for an excuse to chat with you. So don’t hesitate to ask one of us if you need something. Okay?” She started to close the door but stopped and waited for my reply.

“Okay.” I nodded, wondering if when I woke up, the Walker family I’d met today would still be the same. Despite resembling something all too idealistic for my pessimistic outlook, I found myself almost hoping nothing would change. “Thanks again for having me.”

“Thank you for having us,” she said with a wink before closing the door noiselessly.

I exhaled. I’d done it. I’d made it across Oregon, some of Washington and Idaho, and into Montana. I’d survived the Greyhound system. I’d met the Walkers, and really, I couldn’t imagine a better family to be “enslaved” to for the summer. Sure, they seemed like hard working, dawn-to-dusk people, but they also seemed fair and good. I’d survived introductions, and I had some time to myself to unpack and unwind.