Princess on the Brink (The Princess Diaries 8)

(blinking with astonishment)

I’m not? Then who am I?

PRINCE PHILLIPE

You’re Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo, Princess of Genovia.

MIA

(getting up from the table, pulling an Uzi from her backpack)

Dad, look out!

NINJAS descend from the ceiling on ropes. MIA kicks over the table, sending the tea things flying. Then she strafes the room with bullets from her Uzi. TOURISTS and WAITERS dive for cover. Her dad, terrified, ducks behind a potted plant. MIA throws down the Uzi, which has jammed, and kickboxes the NINJAS, dispatching them one by one, à la River in the movie SERENITY.

Finally, the room is still, all NINJAS unconscious. One by one, the TOURISTS and WAITERS climb to their feet. One of them begins to clap, slowly. He is joined by everyone else. Soon, MIA is receiving a standing ovation for her bravery.

MIA walks up to PHILLIPE and sticks out her right hand to help him to his feet. He hesitantly takes it. She pulls him up.

PRINCE PHILLIPE

(gratefully)

Mia—where did you learn to—

MIA

(matter-of-factly)

I’ve been working as a highly trained demon-killer for the Vatican for years, Dad. Didn’t you know?

PRINCE PHILLIPE

I didn’t know. I was wrong about you, Mia. You’re not just a princess.

MIA

No, Dad. No, I’m not.

F

Mia, while this is highly imaginative, in no way does it satisfy the assignment, which was to describe a beloved pet.

—C. Martinez

Friday, September 10, English

Are you okay?

I guess so, Tina. Thanks.

You look kind of…pale. And your eyes are red.

Yeah. Well. I didn’t get much sleep last night.

Have you spoken to him yet? Michael, I mean?

No. Not in person.