3:25 p.m., Monday, May 4
Still in the HELV thanks to the horrible
traffic on the Upper West Side
Rate the Royals Rating: 1
Still no Michael.
Am checking all my messages.
HRH Mia Thermopolis “FtLouie”>
Mia, r u back? How was it?
Yes, I’m back. I guess you heard the news?
You mean you didn’t announce it?
Of course I didn’t announce it.
Oh, Mia, I’m so sorry! I did kind of wonder, because the details about the ring were wrong. I was like, “Did Michael get a different ring at the last minute”? And it’s more your style to let your closest friends know about things before announcing them to the press.
You think?
Wait, are you being sarcastic?
Yes, sorry. I’m just upset right now.
I’m sorry! But congratulations, anyway! Were you surprised?
Of course I was surprised! It was amazing. Best trip—best birthday—best time of my life! Until now. Thanks for helping Michael to plan it, anyway.
And you like the ring?
I LOVE the ring. I love love love it. I’m just so sorry you had to hear the news from the press. FYI, I’ve decided not to go on the Internet anymore, especially after all this. You know this morning I saw a majestic stingray leap from the water for the sheer joy of it and now I realize I am wasting too much of the short time I’ve been given here on this planet worrying about my online social media image.
Oh. That’s cool about the stingray, but what’s wrong with your social media image? I think you do a fine job with it.
You mean Dominique does, but thanks for saying so. The whole point, though, is why do we even have to have a social media image? Stingrays don’t, and they live totally fulfilled lives.
Stingrays don’t have higher-functioning cerebral cortexes, so they don’t have the ability to worry about things like their online presence.
Oh. Good point.
Also they leap out of the water in order to catch food or avoid predators or to get rid of parasites that are bothering them. I don’t think they experience intense emotions like joy.
I’m not going to say it’s pointless to argue with Tina about more esoteric things these days (especially given what happened with Boris), but she has developed a tendency since starting medical school to insist there’s a scientific explanation for almost everything.
OK, Tina.
That’s when I got another message. It was from a member of the Moscovitz family, but not the one I was hoping to hear from.
HRH Mia Thermopolis “FtLouie”>
I suppose I should say “mazel tov” but really? Then again, the best friend is always the last to know.
I’m sorry! We were going to tell you in person, Lilly, but “someone” blabbed to the press. One guess as to who the someone was.