Oh, I will, will I? I was starting to catch on to my role in this whole thing. I’m “the bride”—the unpaid star of the show, who shows up when she’s told, and also does what she’s told, but otherwise keeps her mouth shut.
Oh, well. I guess that’s what brides—kind of like princesses—are for. We might think we’re in charge, but when all is said and done, our main purpose is to give people something to admire, and also to make them feel better about the world.
“I don’t understand why you’re so fixated on this Vera Wang person. Obviously we have to use a local. Dominique’s managed to book us an emergency appointment with your cousin Sebastiano. He’s become one of the premier wedding-gown designers in Europe, and is also Genovian, so you know what people will say if we don’t use him—that you’ve snubbed one of your own relatives, and worse, a fellow countryman. He just happens to be in town this week and says he has time to meet you, so make sure to keep all your afternoons clear.”
Of course. And I totally get it. Far be it from me not to hire a Genovian to design my wedding gown.
“And we’re going to have to start making a guest list. Find out from Michael’s parents who they want to invite so we can start screening them, but please emphasize from me that they can’t have more than twenty-five people because we really do only have room for five hundred and my personal list is already at two hundred and of course we have to include our own family and I assume you’ll want a few friends.”
How nice of her.
“As for the entertainment, of course we aren’t going to hire a disc jockey, nor will we have any of those ridiculous songs you asked for. Madonna? Don’t be absurd! You know she and I are still not speaking. And why would we have Dorothy’s dog Toto from the Wizard of Oz perform at your wedding? We’ll have a live, human entertainer. I’m having Dominique get in touch with someone I’m told is top-notch—I can’t think of his name offhand but I understand he’s extremely popular, and more importantly, very keen to perform for us, and for no fee. I think he’ll do nicely, and I’m positive he can sing that song Michael likes about the river, whatever it is, although I must say I’m surprised, as it sounds like a Christian spiritual, and I thought your intended was Jewish—not that I mind, I’m very open to all faiths, except yoga, as you know. Well, never mind, Dominique is going to send over a copy of your itinerary, so call me when you receive it if you have any questions. You know I don’t know why you even have a mobile when you never pick it up. Good-bye.”
I can’t.
I can’t even.
ROYAL GENOVIAN PRESS OFFICE
HRH PRINCESS MIA RENALDO
Itinerary for Week of May 4
CONTACT: Dominique du Bois
Director of Royal Genovian Press Relations and Marketing
CELL: 917-555-6840
OFFICE: 212-555-3767
WEDNESDAY, MAY 6
9:00 A.M
Limo to escort HRH to design offices of Sebastiano (119 Mercer).
9:30 A.M.
Meet with Sebastiano to go over Wedding/Bridesmaid Gown Designs
12:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to Four Seasons
12:15– 2:00 P.M.
Lazarres-Reynolds Luncheon.
Private room. Attendees: HRH Mia, HRH Dowager Princess Clarisse Renaldo, representatives of Lazarres-Reynolds.
2:15–2:45 P.M.
Limo will be waiting outside Four Seasons to escort HRH Mia to Plaza Hotel.
2:45–5:00 P.M.
Meeting with HRH Dowager Princess, Dominique, and Rolanda to go over cake, guest list, entertainment choices.