The Well of Lost Plots (Thursday Next 3)

'I'm afraid not – it was a noble victory.'

'Bitch!'

'Seconded. But I'll have the revenge you deserve, dear brother, you can be sure of that.'

A family reunion like this should have been heart warming but I can't say I was moved. Still, at least it kept us away from the Crimea.

'Mother's very upset with you,' said Aornis, who had the Hades penchant for straight talking.

'Why?'

'Why do you think? You murdered Styx.'

'Styx was a fool and he brought shame on the Hades family. If Father were still alive he would have done the job himself

'Well, Mother was very upset about it and I think you should apologise.'

'Okay, next time. Wait a moment, I'm dead – I can't apologise to anyone. You apologise for me.'

'I'm a mnemonomorph, remember – and this is only me as a mindworm; a sort of satellite persona, if you like.

Listen, if I knew where Thursday was, she'd be dead already. No, when I can report back to Aornis proper, this is what we'll do—'

'Psssst!' said a voice close to my ear. It was Granny Next.

'Gran!' I said. 'Am I glad to see you!'

'C'mon,' she said, 'while Aornis is distracted.'

She took my hand and led me across the roof to the window where we entered the building. But instead of the burning remains of Thornfield Hall we were on the sidelines of a croquet match. Not any croquet match: it was a World Croquet League final – a SuperHoop. I used to play croquet quite seriously until SpecOps work absorbed all my free time. The two teams were in their body armour, leaning on their willow mallets and discussing strategy during a time-out.

'Okay,' said Aubrey Jambe, who was wearing the captain's sweater, 'Biffo is going to take the red ball from the forty-yard line over the rhododendron bushes, past the Italian sunken garden and into a close position to hoop five. Spike, you'll take it from there and croquet their yellow – Stig will defend you. George, I want you to mark their number five. He's a Neanderthal, so you're going to have to use any tricks you can. Smudger, you're going to foul the duchess – when the vicar gives you the red card, I'm calling in Thursday. Yes?'

They all looked at me. I was in body armour too. I was a substitute. A croquet mallet was slung round my wrist with a lanyard and I was holding a helmet.

'Thursday?' repeated Aubrey. 'Are you okay? You look like you're in a dream world!'

'I'm fine,' I said slowly, 'I'll wait for your command.'

'Good.'

A horn went off, indicating the time-out was over. I looked up at the Scoreboard. Swindon was losing 12 hoops to 21.

'Gran,' I said slowly, watching the team run out to continue play, 'I don't remember this.'

'Of course not!' she said, as though I were a fool. 'This is one of mine. Aornis will never find us here.'

'Wait a moment,' I said, 'how can I be dreaming with your memories?'

'Tch, tch,' she scolded, 'so many questions! It will all be explained in due course. Now, do you want to go into some of that deep, dreamless sleep, and get some rest?'

'Oh, please!' '

'Good. Aornis will not bother you again tonight – I shall watch over you.'

She approached a burly croquet player who had only one ear. After saying a few words, she pointed at me. I looked around at the stadium. It was the Swindon croquet stadium, yet somehow different. Behind me in the dignitaries' box I was surprised to see Yorrick Kaine speaking to one of his assistants. Next to him was President Formby, who gave me a smile and a wave. I turned away, my eyes looking into the crowd and falling upon the one person that I did want to see. It was Landen, and he was bouncing a young child on his lap.

'Landen!' I shouted, but a cheer went up from the crowd and I was drowned out. But he did see me, and smiled. He held the infant's hand and made it wave too. Gran tugged my shoulder pad to get my attention.