Nowhere but Here (Thunder Road 1)
“Emily screamed for me. She wants me.” She needs me. Her panicked voice still rings in my head. She called for me right as Dad, Eli and Cyrus walked up the porch after returning from their run. It was almost a fight as the four of us raced to get to Emily and Olivia.
Dad’s towering over me like he’s willing to take a swing and he motions to my fisted hands. “Get it together.”
I ram a hand through my hair, trying to silence the noise in my mind. Running in here, seeing Emily losing her shit, watching as Olivia’s body twitched like she was some washed-up fish on the shore. I bend over, slamming my hands on my thighs. Jesus. This isn’t it. This can’t be it.
“How far out is the ambulance?” I ask.
Cyrus is still crouched on the floor next to Olivia. His forehead rests on the mattress and Olivia weakly raises her hand and touches his gray hair. “You have to be strong for me.”
He doesn’t lift his head, only shakes it. I rock with the sight. Olivia makes a shushing sound that pierces my heart.
“How far out is the ambulance?” I demand.
No one says a thing and, except for Cyrus, they all stare at me. My father, Hook and Olivia. Each one shares a haunted expression. The type where they know you’re the only one who hasn’t received news of a death.
“Pigpen called your mom,” says Dad. “She’ll be here in a few minutes.”
The world sways. “I didn’t ask that. I asked about the ambulance.”
“There’s no ambulance,” Dad responds in a low tone.
“Why the hell not?”
“The tumor’s grown,” Olivia whispers. “And the cancer’s spread to my blood.”
I turn away as my eyes burn and I prop both hands on the wall to keep myself up. What the hell?
“We found out not long after Emily came, but decided to keep it quiet.” Dad’s footsteps tap against the wooden floor and a heavy hand gently presses on my shoulder. “Olivia wants to die here, son.”
Shit. Just shit. “They said they’d do another round of chemo.”
“It’s over, Oz,” Olivia says.
I smack my hand against the wall and my palm stings. “It’s not.”
“Jonathan,” she whispers.
Fuck this. “No!”
Dad squeezes my shoulder and I recoil with my hands in the air as a visual stop. “This is bullshit!”
My gaze immediately hits Olivia. She presses a hand to her heart, like she did when she lowered herself to my height and explained that it was time for me to go live with Mom and Dad. Just like she did when she wiped my tears away and explained that this would always be my home. That I would always be her family.
Ten years later and when I tell someone I’m coming home, it’s not to the trailer down the way, it’s to here. Olivia is my home.
“Why are you giving up?” I beg. “You swore to me you’d never give up.”
Olivia closes her eyes. A single tear escapes and slowly slides down her cheek.
She’s giving up. The person I love more than anyone else is giving up on living. She’s giving up on me.
My insides twist and all of the building hurt bursts through into anger as I punch open the door in her room that leads to the porch. The cooler air of the night crashes around me as I clutch the railing and lean over.
She’s dying. The person I love the most in my life is going to die.
Emily
MY BODY IS set on something soft and then there’s the click of a lamp. The smell of leather overwhelms me when black gloves frame my face.