To Have and to Hate

I smile. “Oh thank you. I actually can’t remember where I purchased it.”

Yes I do—Zara, but I’ll bite my tongue right off before I reveal that to this group of women who are all dripping in designer labels.

“And to get married at the courthouse of all places!” another woman chimes in with a shocked laugh. “I mean, leave it up to Walt to get married in some fairytale elopement. So unexpected.”

It’s clear that not a single one of them knows we’ve faked our marriage. They think we’re young and in love, and I have to stand there and smile and laugh as they gush about what a lovely bride I made.

I’m extremely grateful when the group disperses for a bathroom break and I can catch my breath away from them. It’s in that moment, as I accept a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, that I find myself at the mercy of stares from across the room.

I glance up to find a group gathered close, three women and a man all staring at me with unabashed derision and pity. Unlike the other guests, this tight cluster of friends obviously knows the truth. I watch as a tall woman with a sharp blonde bob stares down at the ring on my finger, her eyes widening before she turns back to her friends, whispering quickly. They all glance over, not the least bit concerned with subtlety, and my stomach coils tight. I look away quickly, trying to keep my composure.

I wonder who they are. Walt’s personal friends? Has he told them the truth about us? I wish I could ask him. I wish I could find out what exactly he’s told them about me. I worry their reactions to me might stem from him, and if that’s the case, I’d like to know, but he’s nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, sitting through a multi-course dinner party with these people seems daunting to say the least. This mixed bag of work colleagues and friends, of people who are in the dark about our relationship and those that know the truth, will make it impossible for me to navigate a meal without putting my foot in my mouth at least once or twice.

Sick of being the object of attention, I decide to hole up inside the library for a few minutes, just to regain an ounce of courage before I have to reenter the viper’s nest.

I turn down the hall, smile at a passing waiter, then round the corner to the library. The deserted hall is a sight for sore eyes and I pick up my pace, my heels quiet on the marble floors so I don’t alert anyone to where I’ve gone. I don’t immediately register the voices coming from Walt’s office. It takes me a moment as I hover on the precipice of the library, my hand on the doorframe. I glance back toward the great room, trying to determine if the noise is carrying down the hall, and then I whip my head to the right as I catch Walt’s voice again.

“We’ve gone over this a thousand times,” he says, sounding exhausted.

“That was before I knew you bought her a ring!”

Ten

I stand perfectly still, too stunned to move, too scared to draw attention to the fact that I’m only a few feet away from Walt and a mystery woman.

“I’m not sure why a ring changes anything.”

“It’s just one more thing, Walt. One more thing I have to try to reconcile about our already messy arrangement. Can’t you see how hard this is?”

“The ring is just a ring, Camila. She needed a ring so now she has one. Can we please discuss this another time?”

“No. Frankly, I’d like to discuss it right now. You’re impossible. I can barely get two words out of you, let alone an ounce of emotion about this whole situation.”

I can’t hear Walt’s response to this, but it’s only a few seconds before there’s movement near the office door. I leap into the library, turning to press my body flush against the wall beside the doorway, half-hidden in the shadows.

I hold my breath as Camila passes by, my eyes pinched closed until I hear her footsteps grow quiet down the hall.

I stay there, shaky with adrenaline, trying to calm my racing heart.

Walt doesn’t follow after her. I hear him on the other side of the wall. There’s the light clink of a glass, a gentle pour of liquid. I imagine him rubbing his temples—like he does with me—and taking a long sip of his preferred liquor.

Up until this moment, I didn’t realize Walt had someone like Camila in his life. Sure, he told me he had plans to continue dating, but he maybe should have mentioned having a serious girlfriend. Seems like something a wife ought to know! Ha.