A Hope for Emily
e we got together mostly because it was easy, and neither of us was getting any younger.” She makes a face. “That sounds terrible.”
“No…”
“But I think he fell properly in love with you,” Rachel says without rancor.
“I don’t know.” I look back on those first heady days, that moment when I saw James waiting for me at the entrance to the bar, and I knew he was going to ask for my number. It had felt a shot of adrenalin, right into my bloodstream. And that first date, when I’d spilled all the wine and we’d both laughed… I remember thinking, Yes. This is what I’ve been looking for. This is who I’ve been waiting for.
Why, just a year later, do I feel as if I am doubting that?
“Eva,” Rachel says, and she sounds serious. “I know I’m hardly the right person to be saying this, but don’t jeopardize your marriage for Emily’s sake. I did that, and I don’t want you to do it, too. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to James.”
“Wow.” I try to smile. “I really didn’t expect you to say something like that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not a saint. I wouldn’t have said it a year or even six months ago.” She unfolds herself from the sofa and takes our coffee cups into the sink, a sure sign that she doesn’t want to say anymore about that. Neither do I, particularly. “So what now?” she asks as she stands in the archway between the kitchen and the living room, her hands on her hips.
“As soon as you want to, we press publish. I’ll try to direct some traffic towards the page through various means, and then we see what happens.”
“And… the money?”
“The crowdfunding platform takes five percent for hosting, and another three percent for donation by credit card. Everything else goes to you, and they’ll pay it out on a monthly schedule.”
Rachel shakes her head slowly. “It feels wrong, somehow, to just… get money like that.”
“People don’t have to give, if they don’t want to. You’re creating an opportunity, Rachel, that’s all.”
She nods. “And what about James?”
I tense but try to sound normal. “What about him?”
“I suppose I need to tell him about this, even if you don’t. Before it’s live and starts getting attention.”
“All right.”
“Should I mention your involvement?”
I swallow. “I’d rather you didn’t. That should come from me.”
Rachel looks at me then, a look that is hard and yet also with sympathy. “You need to tell him, Eva. Soon. It’s not fair to him if you don’t.”
“I know.”
“James won’t like feeling as if he’s been tricked or ganged up on.”
“It’s not like that—”
“I know it’s not, but he might not see it that way, especially since we’re working together.” She shakes her head as she gives me a small smile. “Who would have thought?”
“I know.” I smile back, enjoying this bizarre camaraderie even though I still feel tense about everything. “I will tell him.” As soon as I work up the courage and find the right moment. “So, should we hit publish?”
Rachel hesitates, and then nods. “All right. Yes. Let’s do this.” She glances towards my laptop as if it is a live grenade. “I’ll tell James tonight. It will take a little while to publish, won’t it?”
“Not really, but it will take a day or two to start getting some views. And you can edit the page or take it down at any time,” I remind her. She has all the login information.
“I know.” She lets out a little laugh and shakes her head. “I don’t know why it feels scary. There are so many pages out there… this one probably won’t even get any views.”
“It will get some.” I’ll make sure of it.
“Okay.” She sits back on the sofa, and so do I. The laptop is in front of us, the screen bright and glowing, Emily’s Story on the top of the page, along with her photo.