The Sinner (Black Dagger Brotherhood 18)

“What?”

What had he been saying? “Anyway, you know how your mom left us? The species, I mean.”

“No. I forgot—tell me more. And we shoulda gotten her a fake gold watch for her retirement. Cake that read ‘The Golden Years Are the Best.’ Bouquet of fucking flowers with a card.” V shook his head and spit out a flake of tobacco. “Helluva female, true? Creating all this shit and leaving it in the dust like none of us matter—I mean, the race. Like the race doesn’t matter.”

“But what if she left because she had another job to do.”

V frowned. “Like what.”

“Protecting you.” As V rolled his eyes and started cursing, Butch put up his palm. “Hear me out. The first rule in conflict is finding the weakness in your opponent and exploiting it. The Omega knows what I do and he knows about you. His very existence is at stake. You think he’s not going to do the math and put a target on your back? Eliminate you and what I can do to him is out the door. Problem solved.”

“You’re suggesting that the Scribe Virgin took off so she could watch over me?” V laughed in a short burst. “Yeah, right. My mahmen doesn’t think about me or my sister.”

“I don’t know if I believe that. I think she’s more involved than we know, and I think she came to me to send me a message about your safety.”

“Trust me. It was not about that.”

“Then what the hell was she doing in a Catholic church tonight?”

“Not talking to me, that’s for sure.” V ashed into the soda bottle again. “And let’s put this conversation aside, so we can keep fighting about the topic at hand. One argument at a time.”

Butch shook his head and walked across to stand in front of the brother. Putting a hand on the side of V’s neck, he cut the bullshit.

“You can dematerialize to me, anywhere I am. I can’t do that. I’m stuck with the ground game. You can be covered by a legion and so can I when we’re together. But if we lose you? It’s all over for me. We are both equally important, but what I do has to be in the field. What you do can be done anywhere.”

V stared down at the tip of his hand-rolled. “I’m feeling some kind of way about this.”

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“Motherfucker.”

Butch leaned in and put his forehead on V’s. “I’ll call as soon as I need you.”

“You die on me, I’ll resuscitate you just so I can kill you all over again.”

“Fair enough.” Butch straightened. “Now get the fuck back home.”

“I don’t agree with this.”

“Yes, you do or you wouldn’t be leaving.” Butch nodded to the exit, even though that would not be the way Vishous ghosted out. “Go on—”

“How did my mahmen look?”

“I’d never seen her face before.”

“That makes one of us,” V said bitterly.

“Mothers are complicated.”

“You don’t say.” V dropped his hand-rolled into the soda bottle, a little sizzle rising up. “You call me. I’ll come at any second.”

“Or they’ll bring me to you.”

“I’d prefer the former.” V rolled his eyes. “Guess I’m going to go clean my room.”

“You think Fritz is going to allow that?”

“You think he’s going to have a choice?”

V was shrugging as he dematerialized, and Butch stared at where his best friend had stood for a moment. Then he locked up the R8, and texted to everyone on rotation that he was heading into the field.

He didn’t make it.

As soon as he stepped out of the garage, he stopped dead in his tracks from shock. “Jesus… Christ.”

* * *

Behind the wheel of the Golf, Jo tightened her grip and was tempted to tell Syn to stop talking. But that was a whole load of bullcrap. He’d had to live through his past. She was just having to listen to it.

And when he didn’t immediately go any further with his story, she was not about to prompt him. She just kept driving them along.

About a mile later, he started talking again. “That female I cared for fed me when I was starving. She clothed me when I was all but naked. She warmed me with her smile when I was cold.” He paused. “She was the only thing in my life that didn’t cause me pain.”

I would have helped you if I could have, Jo thought.

“She sounds like a very good person,” she said.

“She was.”

“Was? Is she… has she passed?”

“I don’t know what happened to her. I moved away from my village, and I understand that eventually, she came over here as I did. I also understand she got mated and had some young. Two, I think. Which is a blessing.” He rubbed his eyes. “After everything she did for me when I was a young, I just wanted her to have a good life. A long, happy, healthy life.”

“So you did love her.”

“I told you. It wasn’t like that.”

“No, I mean—you loved her as in she mattered to you.”

“She did.” The breath that came out of him was sharp and short. “But enough about her.”

“Okay.”

He cleared his throat. “I was a natural born soldier. I was good at… what I did. So I was recruited to fight the enemy.”

“Was this just after nine-eleven? You must have been so young. I mean, how old are you? And what country did you fight for?”

“In times of war, you do what needs to be done. And it was the best use of me. Before the structure of my… unit, I guess you’d call it, I was doing contract killing. My cousin was the one who got me into the service—”

“Wait.” Jo glanced over at him. “Contract killing?”

“Yes.” He looked at her. “Don’t make a hero out of me, Jo. It won’t serve you well.”

“Do you ever regret what you did? What if you killed someone who was innocent?”

“I didn’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I only accepted certain kinds of jobs.”

“I can’t imagine taking someone’s life.”

“Sometimes it’s easier than you think. If someone threatened you, your immediate family, your blooded kin? You’d be surprised what you can do in that moment. Civilians can turn into soldiers pretty damn quick in those circumstances.”

“You definitely see things like a military man,” she murmured.

“Always. And I will defend me and mine against all comers. It doesn’t matter who they are or how otherwise virtuous they may be. If you are a danger to me? To my brothers? To those I serve? You will submit to me. I will take the payment for your indiscretion out of your flesh. And when I am finished? I will never think of you again—not because I am troubled by what I have done, but because you do not matter to me and neither does your death.”

A cold fear curled in Jo’s chest. “I cannot fathom those deductions. That conclusion. I mean, a life is a life.”

“Then you haven’t looked into the eyes of someone who is going to kill you solely because you are not like them. Because you do not believe the same things they do. Because you are living a different kind of life. Wartime is not the same as peacetime.” o;What?”

What had he been saying? “Anyway, you know how your mom left us? The species, I mean.”

“No. I forgot—tell me more. And we shoulda gotten her a fake gold watch for her retirement. Cake that read ‘The Golden Years Are the Best.’ Bouquet of fucking flowers with a card.” V shook his head and spit out a flake of tobacco. “Helluva female, true? Creating all this shit and leaving it in the dust like none of us matter—I mean, the race. Like the race doesn’t matter.”

“But what if she left because she had another job to do.”

V frowned. “Like what.”

“Protecting you.” As V rolled his eyes and started cursing, Butch put up his palm. “Hear me out. The first rule in conflict is finding the weakness in your opponent and exploiting it. The Omega knows what I do and he knows about you. His very existence is at stake. You think he’s not going to do the math and put a target on your back? Eliminate you and what I can do to him is out the door. Problem solved.”

“You’re suggesting that the Scribe Virgin took off so she could watch over me?” V laughed in a short burst. “Yeah, right. My mahmen doesn’t think about me or my sister.”

“I don’t know if I believe that. I think she’s more involved than we know, and I think she came to me to send me a message about your safety.”

“Trust me. It was not about that.”

“Then what the hell was she doing in a Catholic church tonight?”

“Not talking to me, that’s for sure.” V ashed into the soda bottle again. “And let’s put this conversation aside, so we can keep fighting about the topic at hand. One argument at a time.”

Butch shook his head and walked across to stand in front of the brother. Putting a hand on the side of V’s neck, he cut the bullshit.

“You can dematerialize to me, anywhere I am. I can’t do that. I’m stuck with the ground game. You can be covered by a legion and so can I when we’re together. But if we lose you? It’s all over for me. We are both equally important, but what I do has to be in the field. What you do can be done anywhere.”

V stared down at the tip of his hand-rolled. “I’m feeling some kind of way about this.”

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“Motherfucker.”

Butch leaned in and put his forehead on V’s. “I’ll call as soon as I need you.”

“You die on me, I’ll resuscitate you just so I can kill you all over again.”

“Fair enough.” Butch straightened. “Now get the fuck back home.”

“I don’t agree with this.”

“Yes, you do or you wouldn’t be leaving.” Butch nodded to the exit, even though that would not be the way Vishous ghosted out. “Go on—”

“How did my mahmen look?”

“I’d never seen her face before.”

“That makes one of us,” V said bitterly.

“Mothers are complicated.”

“You don’t say.” V dropped his hand-rolled into the soda bottle, a little sizzle rising up. “You call me. I’ll come at any second.”

“Or they’ll bring me to you.”

“I’d prefer the former.” V rolled his eyes. “Guess I’m going to go clean my room.”

“You think Fritz is going to allow that?”

“You think he’s going to have a choice?”

V was shrugging as he dematerialized, and Butch stared at where his best friend had stood for a moment. Then he locked up the R8, and texted to everyone on rotation that he was heading into the field.

He didn’t make it.

As soon as he stepped out of the garage, he stopped dead in his tracks from shock. “Jesus… Christ.”

* * *

Behind the wheel of the Golf, Jo tightened her grip and was tempted to tell Syn to stop talking. But that was a whole load of bullcrap. He’d had to live through his past. She was just having to listen to it.

And when he didn’t immediately go any further with his story, she was not about to prompt him. She just kept driving them along.

About a mile later, he started talking again. “That female I cared for fed me when I was starving. She clothed me when I was all but naked. She warmed me with her smile when I was cold.” He paused. “She was the only thing in my life that didn’t cause me pain.”

I would have helped you if I could have, Jo thought.

“She sounds like a very good person,” she said.

“She was.”

“Was? Is she… has she passed?”

“I don’t know what happened to her. I moved away from my village, and I understand that eventually, she came over here as I did. I also understand she got mated and had some young. Two, I think. Which is a blessing.” He rubbed his eyes. “After everything she did for me when I was a young, I just wanted her to have a good life. A long, happy, healthy life.”

“So you did love her.”

“I told you. It wasn’t like that.”

“No, I mean—you loved her as in she mattered to you.”

“She did.” The breath that came out of him was sharp and short. “But enough about her.”

“Okay.”

He cleared his throat. “I was a natural born soldier. I was good at… what I did. So I was recruited to fight the enemy.”

“Was this just after nine-eleven? You must have been so young. I mean, how old are you? And what country did you fight for?”

“In times of war, you do what needs to be done. And it was the best use of me. Before the structure of my… unit, I guess you’d call it, I was doing contract killing. My cousin was the one who got me into the service—”

“Wait.” Jo glanced over at him. “Contract killing?”

“Yes.” He looked at her. “Don’t make a hero out of me, Jo. It won’t serve you well.”

“Do you ever regret what you did? What if you killed someone who was innocent?”

“I didn’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I only accepted certain kinds of jobs.”

“I can’t imagine taking someone’s life.”

“Sometimes it’s easier than you think. If someone threatened you, your immediate family, your blooded kin? You’d be surprised what you can do in that moment. Civilians can turn into soldiers pretty damn quick in those circumstances.”

“You definitely see things like a military man,” she murmured.

“Always. And I will defend me and mine against all comers. It doesn’t matter who they are or how otherwise virtuous they may be. If you are a danger to me? To my brothers? To those I serve? You will submit to me. I will take the payment for your indiscretion out of your flesh. And when I am finished? I will never think of you again—not because I am troubled by what I have done, but because you do not matter to me and neither does your death.”

A cold fear curled in Jo’s chest. “I cannot fathom those deductions. That conclusion. I mean, a life is a life.”

“Then you haven’t looked into the eyes of someone who is going to kill you solely because you are not like them. Because you do not believe the same things they do. Because you are living a different kind of life. Wartime is not the same as peacetime.”