In the Heat of the Spotlight

‘And?’ Luke asked very quietly. Aurelie realised she’d stopped speaking. She was just remembering, and she hated it.

‘He told me he loved me. He’d always loved me, and then he...he kissed me.’

‘Not,’ Luke said quietly, ‘like a dad.’

‘No. Not like a dad.’ She still remembered the shocking feel of his mouth on hers, wet and insistent. The way his hands had roved over her body, with a kind of tentative urgency. He’d been crying a little bit, and he kept begging her. Let me, he had whispered over and over again, and she had.

‘What did you do?’ Luke asked. He was still stroking her hair, still holding her. Aurelie blinked back the memories.

‘I let him.’

‘Let him?’

‘He kept saying that. Let me. And I did, because...well, because I didn’t want to lose him. He was the most important person in my life at that point, the only person in my life. And, looking back, I can see how I got it wrong. He never wanted to be my dad. I was the one who wanted that.’

Luke’s hands had stilled. ‘So he...he kissed you?’

‘We had sex,’ Aurelie said flatly. ‘That night. It was, if you can believe it, my first time. That whole innocent siren thing? It was pretty much true.’

Luke swallowed, said nothing. ‘I didn’t enjoy it,’ she continued. She felt weirdly emotionless now, as if none of it mattered. ‘I hated it. It felt...well, it felt gross, to be honest. But I knew it was what he wanted and so I made myself want it too.’

‘And what happened then? After?’

She shrugged. ‘We started dating.’

‘Dating?’

‘A relationship. Whatever. I was already living with him, so—’

‘Are you telling me,’ Luke asked, and his voice shook slightly, ‘that Pete Myers was your serious relationship? The one that lasted three years?’

‘Yes—’

‘God, Aurelie.’ He sank back onto the pillows and when she risked a look at his face she saw he looked shocked. Winded, as if she’d just punched him. Maybe she had.

‘I thought you kind of knew where this was going.’

‘Well, when you started talking about Myers, I figured he’d...he’d taken advantage of you somehow. But you’d said you weren’t abused or raped—’

‘I wasn’t.’ She stared at him in surprise. ‘I told you, he asked.’ Let me. ‘And I said yes.’

Luke stared at her. He still looked dazed. ‘You remember when we talked about semantics?’

‘Yes—’

‘Yeah. That.’

She shook her head. ‘I wasn’t a victim. If I’d told him to leave, he would have.’

‘You think so?’

‘I know it. Luke, you weren’t there. You didn’t see how...how pathetic he looked. I felt sorry for him.’ Almost.

‘Yeah, I’m sure he could look pathetic when he wanted to. He’s also one of the richest, most powerful men in the music world, Aurelie. You don’t think he might have been taking advantage of you?’

‘Maybe,’ she allowed, ‘but I allowed it to happen.’

‘For three years.’

‘It was a relationship.’ She didn’t like the tone Luke took, as if she’d been used. Abused. A victim.

‘A secret relationship. I’ve never seen this mentioned in the press.’

‘Pete didn’t want the tabloids to trash us. He was being protective—’

‘Very thoughtful of him.’

‘Don’t,’ she said furiously. ‘Don’t make this about me being used by him. I was not a victim.’

Luke just gazed at her. ‘Go on,’ he finally said quietly. ‘Tell me what happened.’

‘When?’

‘How did it end?’

‘He ended it. He said it wasn’t working, that I was too clingy.’

‘Too clingy.’

‘Yes. And I was, I can see that now. The fame had started to get to me, and I felt like Pete was the only person who knew who I really was. My mom was still out of the picture, my grandma was dead, and I’d never stayed in one place long enough to get to know anyone.’

‘So,’ Luke said slowly, ‘he was all you had.’