New Year at the Boss's Bidding

‘No.’ She shook her head determinedly.

‘Ottimo. We shall talk now.’

She didn’t move away from the window and when she returned her attention to the rainy street his heart sank. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

‘It’s time for me to move on, to start living my life again.’ The fact that he could do that was all down to her, but he couldn’t do it without her.

She looked earnestly into his face, her blue eyes searching his. ‘You’re right. You bear the scars, both physically and emotionally. You’ve lost a friend, but he wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold.’

He frowned at her as she said almost the same as Sofia had. ‘No, he wouldn’t.’

‘Would you want that if the roles were reversed? Would you want him to live with guilt eating at him for the rest of his life?’

‘That is what Sofia, his widow, has just told me. She doesn’t blame me and said Paulo would be angry if he knew I was.’ Images of his friend rushed through his mind.

‘So now you can stop punishing yourself.’

‘The way I handled those days at the manor was wrong, but I can’t lose you, Tilly.’ He put himself on the line as he said the words. She didn’t move. It looked as if his words had frozen her. ‘Not when I love you.’

He’d finally said it. He’d given life to the emotion that had been burning deep inside him since the moment he’d met Tilly. The silence that filled the room was so loud it almost deafened him.

* * *

Tilly’s head spun and her heart thumped harder in her chest. She looked into Xavier’s eyes, hoping to see love, but saw only hard determination. How could he say he loved her when he had just returned from another woman’s side?

‘You don’t mean that.’ She shook her head in denial and returned her gaze to the growing darkness of the street outside, wishing he would stop torturing her. He’d been photographed with another woman—hours after leaving her.

He took hold of her arms and spun her round to look at him. She wanted to avert her gaze, but with the heat of his touch burning through her jumper she couldn’t. ‘I mean every word of it, Tilly. I have thought of nothing else but you since the moment we met.’

She lowered her gaze, trying to resist the urge to babble out whatever words came into her head, but the urge was too strong. ‘But I saw you—at the party last night, with your latest lover.’

His grasp on her arms loosened and she knew she’d said the wrong thing. ‘How?’

Now she would have to spill the whole sorry truth about looking him up on the internet, about searching for information about the accident. ‘I saw the pictures on the internet.’ She pressed her lips firmly together to prevent herself airing more babbling excuses.

She kept her gaze averted but when she looked up again it was to see a wary look of surprise on his handsome face. ‘Does that mean you couldn’t stop thinking of me?’

‘Yes. I mean no.’ She knew she was in danger of talking too much again and pulled herself free of his grasp. She couldn’t think straight when he was so near, when the intoxicating scent of him made her remember those nights she’d sworn she would forget.

‘Natalie, don’t.’ The sexy accent he used for her name drew her up sharply and those memories hurtled back.

‘Don’t what?’ she asked in exasperation. He really had to go before she spilled everything out and told him she loved him. But she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t risk it. Already he’d tired of her and could hurt her far more than Jason ever had. She couldn’t face rejection again.

‘Don’t hide. Don’t run.’

She couldn’t look at him. ‘I’m not hiding or running, Xavier. I just want to be honest with myself and you. I can’t be with you, not how you want anyway.’

‘And how exactly do I want to be with you?’ The gruffness of his voice hinted at his frustration.

‘I can’t be just another woman, one you call when you are in London. I’m not that type of girl.’

He took her swiftly in his arms, pulling her excruciatingly close to him. ‘I’ve tried to forget you, tried to put you to the back of my mind as nothing more than a memory. I have no idea who I was pictured with. I might have been there at the party, but in my mind I was still at the manor with you, the only woman I want.’

* * *

Suddenly everything became clear and Xavier could see why Tilly was so anxious. Since the accident he’d never had a serious relationship. He’d only dated a woman once, always avoiding anything more intimate, worried about his scarred body.