Hazed (Palm South University)

And for some reason, it makes my chest hurt.

Scrubbing a hand over my fade, I make my way through the crowd and let myself outside. It’s not as cold as it has been — the rare cold front that moved through has definitely passed — but it’s far from the summertime heat, and I give a sigh of relief when the cool breeze washes over me.

Downtown is bustling with people going to and fro, girls linking arms and giggling as they pass, guys shouting and jumping on each other’s backs as they try to get the girls’ attention. Music and laughter spill out onto the street from every building, and I smile, leaning my back against the cool brick and taking it all in.

I’m not sure why I felt so claustrophobic inside. Maybe it’s because I’m going to miss it all, that I’m sad to be leaving it behind. I’m graduating soon, moving on, leaving the place I’ve called home for almost four years now. My life will consist of more work and less play, a natural progression.

Even so, I shake my head at myself, because it’s not like my life is ending when I leave college. If anything, it’s just beginning. I’ll have more freedom, no classes or homework, no fraternity events. I’ll be able to go wherever I want, do whatever I want. And, if I get the right job, I’ll actually have money to do shit with.

I’m still trying to figure out the source of my anxiety when a familiar head of short, blonde hair catches my eye down the street.

It’s just a glimmer of the fairy lights hanging over head at first, their glow reflecting in her golden locks. But then she turns, and laughs, her wide, brown eyes shining in the low light of the street.

Erin Xander.

My heart stops in my chest at the sight of her. I haven’t seen her since we got back from break. Truthfully, I wondered if I’d ever see her again after Friendsgiving last year. She graduated, and since she wouldn’t return any of my calls or texts, I had no idea if she stayed in the area or moved away.

But here she is, shining like the brightest star downtown.

With her arm linked in Gavin’s.

I hate that my fingers curl into fists at my sides at the sight of him, that my jaw tenses and my next breath is hotter than the one before it. All I want is to be happy for her, to see that smile on her face and be thankful that someone put it back after so many years of it being absent.

But something in my stomach sours every time I see them together, and I don’t know if that will ever change.

Gavin says something to Erin when they’re about two bars down from me, and she nods with a smile, blushing at the kiss he lays on her cheek before he disappears inside.

My feet are moving before I even make the conscious decision to go to her.

As soon as I take the first step, my heart is in my throat, and it stays there every inch of the way as I make my way toward her. The closer I get, the more I can see how freshly tanned her skin is, how her long lashes are painted black, her lips a crimson red. The dress she’s wearing is somehow both conservative and sexy, the hem of it flowing below her knees, but the V-neck cutting down deep enough to show her cleavage. Those legs of hers are emphasized by the high heels she’s wearing, and her hair is slightly curled, just enough of a wave to make it look like she might have just taken a toss in the sheets before coming out.

Maybe she had.

The thought makes me ill.

She’s blissfully unaware of me until I’m about ten feet away, and then her brown eyes catch on mine, and the smile on her face slips off like a runny egg.

I stop when there’s a foot left between us, and suddenly, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I open my mouth, close it again, shove my hands in my pockets and look down the street, clearing my throat. It takes me a long moment to look at her again, and when I do, she’s watching me like a nightmare that’s come to haunt her again.

I want to be the first one to speak, but I can’t.

“Bear,” she finally says, and my name is broken on her lips. So much so that she clears her throat, tucking her hair behind her ears before she crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you doing down here?”

“Some of the brothers carpooled out,” I answer stupidly. “Wanted a change of scenery.”

“Oh,” she says, and she tries to smile, but it falls flat.