I could get hurt again.
But could I possibly get any more hurt than I already have been? I highly doubt it. Some guy I just met isn’t going to hurt my heart as much as my own mother did.
God, why am I such an overthinker? Why can’t I just take a chance and have some fun with a gorgeous guy who is offering me orgasms? Well, I hope that’s what he’s offering.
Shit.
What if he’s really bad at sex? I mean, I’ve seen the morning wood that was straining against his shorts, but just because he’s got a big dick doesn’t mean he knows how to use it. Or how to give a woman an orgasm.
Tim couldn’t find my clit with a torch and a map. Seriously. I had to give him directions every time.
West could be just as clueless. A totally selfish lover.
But I won’t know this unless I have sex with him.
I could just have sex with him once. I don’t have to commit to anything.
Argh! For fuck’s sake.
I’m doing my own head in.
Why did he have to proposition me like that anyway? I mean, who does that?
Maybe it’s an American thing. Back home, a guy usually just hits on you in a bar, flirts a bit. Maybe you end up kissing, and then he asks you back to his place.
West laid it out like a transaction. I was half-expecting him to give me a contract to sign to say that I understood his terms of service.
It wasn’t the sexiest thing.
But the way he talks so openly about what he wants … me. Jesus, so fucking hot.
But no, it’s not a good idea.
No matter how hot he is, it’s just not a good idea for me to get tangled up with another guy so soon. I came here to get some space and give me time to clear my head. Not to get serviced by Captain America over there.
No. I’m gonna have to decline his offer.
In a year’s time, I’ll probably want to punch myself in the face for my stupidity at turning down sex with West, but I know it’s the right thing. I’m just not in the right place in my life right now.
Now, I just have to tell him.
I bite my lip, thinking.
I should wait until morning. It is just past midnight. But I know me. I’ll only lie here all night, chewing over it, and I won’t get a wink of sleep.
And he might still be awake. Or asleep.
But I won’t know that unless I go over there.
Okay.
I stand up.
I’ll go over there now. Knock on his door. If he doesn’t answer, then I know he’s sleeping, and I’ll just wait until morning to tell him. And if he answers, then I’ll tell him that I’ve thought it over and I have to say no.
See, easy.
I stride over to the door and open it.
Then, I stop, run back, and grab my key off the table. Don’t want to lock myself out again. The sliding doors are closed and locked, so there’d be no getting back in that way. And honestly, I wouldn’t fancy wading through the lagoon in the pitch-dark. Knowing my luck, a shark would come along and bite my fucking leg off. No way would I want to walk to reception in the dark in my pajamas either. And sleeping in West’s villa again would be a no-no after telling him that I don’t want to be in a fling with him for the next couple of weeks.
Actually, should I change out of my pajamas? Is it a bit weird, going over there, wearing them?
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m worrying about this. The guy saw me in my ugly bra and panties yesterday. My Primark pajamas aren’t going to faze him.
And I’m not trying to impress him anyway.
Okay. Maybe I am a teeny-tiny bit.
Fluffing my hair, I walk out into the night and close the door behind me, locking it.
I walk down from my villa onto the jetty and pause to look at the night sky. It’s so clear, no smog here. I can see every star in the sky. It’s beautiful. All those other worlds out there.
I wonder if there’s some female alien on some other planet, going through the same thing I am right now.
Trying to fix her broken heart after the worst betrayal. And currently going to turn down sex with the hottest man alive. Or hottest alien alive in her case.
You know, I’m so glad that no one can hear my thoughts because I’m really fucking weird at times.
Sighing, I look over at West’s villa and walk over to it.
When I reach the door, I lift my hand and knock. Not too loudly. But loud enough that if he’s awake, he’ll hear me.
I hear movement inside, and my stomach takes a dive south.