Oops, I've Fallen

It’s mental overload, right?

I can’t be the only person who would feel this.

I search his eyes for a beat too long, and he tilts his head to the side.

It’s finally then that I realize I need to speak words and answer his question. “Yeah, yeah. I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

Am I sure? Uh, no. I’m not. We just found out our parents are getting married in a freaking month!

I shrug and actually give him some semblance of truth. “Things are just kind of…weird…you know?”

But before he can even answer, my mother is chiming in to the conversation. “What’s weird, Car?”

“Nothing, Mom.”

“Is something wrong?”

I shake my head. “All is good in the hood.”

Good in the hood. Fucking hell. That sounds like something my mother would say on one of her stupid TikToks.

Ryan’s eyes are no help either; they’re still watching me closely, and I don’t miss the concern that lies behind them.

Though, this isn’t the time or place to continue the line of conversation that’s probably running through his head. And when Dr. Samson steps into the room, all focus goes directly toward what he has to say.

“So, I hear congratulations are in order,” he greets, and his pepper-gray eyebrows curl around his eyes when he smiles.

“They sure are, Doc,” Sal responds and stands up from his chair to shake the doctor’s hand. “This beautiful lady right here has agreed to marry me.”

“I’m very happy for both of you.”

“Thank you, Dr. Samson,” my mother responds, her face brighter than the fluorescent lights of the exam room.

“And it appears we have even more to celebrate today,” Dr. Samson announces with a grin. “I’ve reviewed both of your PT evaluations thoroughly, and Shawn said you passed with flying colors. He recommends that you can now go back to living the high life at Sunny Creek without any major activity restrictions.”

Stella bounces around in her seat. “Oh my goodness! This is great news! Isn’t it great news, Sally?”

A sly grin spreads across Sal’s slips. “Oh, darlin’, this is good for a lot of reasons.” He waggles his eyebrows, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he’s insinuating.

Dr. Samson chuckles softly and moves his attention to Ryan and me. “And it also appears that you two are off the hook.” He grins. “I think both Stella and Sal can be completely independent now, and it’s actually a great thing that they officially have each other to lean on. I can imagine you two are very excited for them. Maybe even a little relieved, knowing they have each other now.”

I should definitely feel all of those things, but I’m mostly just feeling really fucking disappointed.

“Definitely,” I say through what has to be my fiftieth forced smile of the day.

Ryan offers a similar sentiment, but I’m too busy inside my own head to dissect his words and expression.

We’re off the hook. Both Ryan and I. Soon, we’ll be heading back to our respective homes, thousands of miles apart, and I feel zero relief in that.

Sure, I’m happy for my mom, and I’m happy she has Sal.

But for the first time in my life, I’m not happy that I’m going to go back to Vail alone.

And I don’t even know what Ryan and I are at this point.

So, add in all the confusion, and it’s enough to make my head explode and my heart ache.

“Now, Sal and Stella, there a few things I want the two of you to keep doing,” Dr. Samson continues, but I’m so far lost in my own thoughts that I hardly hear a word he says.

How did everything get so messed up?

I should be listening to the doctor’s instructions.

I should be doing my daughterly duty of writing them down and making sure my mother remembers them after we leave here.

But it takes the initial sounds of someone’s phone ringing to startle me out of my head like a gunshot. Instantly, I follow the direction of the ring and see Ryan pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

“I’m so sorry,” he says to everyone in the room. “I’m just going to step outside really quickly and take this.”

And then, he’s gone. Out the exam room door and into the hallway.

For some insane reason, I almost follow him, but I realize that would be weird.

So, I just stay rooted to my spot and try to listen to what Dr. Samson is telling Stella and Sal.

Continue water aerobics.

Start increasing activity to daily twenty-minute walks.

Stretch every morning with the list of stretches the physical therapist gave them.

Luckily, it’s a fairly straightforward list of things I’m confident the two of them can easily do. Most, they can even do together.

“All those sound easy enough, but what I really want to know is what about intercourse?” Sal announces, and I cringe. “Are there restrictions on our positions? How often can we do it? You know, give us all the important details,” Sal finishes his request, and my mom giggles.