A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire (Blood and Ash 2)

Casteel looked at me then, his gaze still icy, but something else moved in those depths. There was no time to figure out what it was. And at the moment, I frankly didn’t care.

“If that is the truth, then I salute you.” Dante raised a glass. “We all salute you, and I mean that seriously. It’s truly few and far between these days that anyone from Solis has had their eyes opened. No offense to those who have who are present.”

There were several murmurs before Dante continued. “To learn that you’re of Atlantian descent does explain why you’re important to them, but you—”

“Are of better use to you dead?” I interrupted as Quentyn and Beckett came out of the kitchen, carrying freshly baked bread. They stopped, their eyes widening.

Dante lowered his glass, staring at me.

“I know many of you would prefer to send me back to Queen Ileana in pieces, as does the King, I’m sure.” I lifted my chin even as a fine tremor shook my hands. “Part of me can’t blame any of you for wanting that, especially after learning the truth about them.”

A muscle clenched in the Atlantian’s jaw, but it was Alastir who spoke. “I told you, Casteel. I said that you would encounter pushback if you proceeded with this.”

So did Landell.

“And what did I tell you when you said that before?” Casteel asked.

“That this is what you want. That she is what you want,” Alastir said, and my heart twisted in my chest. “And you know I want to believe that. Everyone in this room does.”

I doubted that.

“And the King and Queen will want to believe that,” Alastir said. “Especially Eloana. But you’ve spent decades trying to free your brother instead of accepting what the rest of us have come to terms with. You refused your duties to your people because you weren’t ready to let him go, something that I could understand even if it pained me. The last time you left, you had to know that there was no longer any hope that he’d return to us, but you still went, gone for years—gone for so long that your mother began to fear that you too had suffered the same fate as Malik,” he said, and my heart squeezed for a wholly different reason while Casteel showed no reaction. “But you’re returning home with the most guarded jewel of the Ascended. There are few who truly believe this doesn’t have anything to do with your brother.”

“If I hadn’t accepted my brother’s fate, I wouldn’t be leaving Solis,” Casteel said, and only Kieran and I knew how much it cost him to speak those words. “It’s no secret that I planned to use Penellaphe as ransom. I spent those years far from home working to get close to her.” This he directed not just to Alastir but to the entire room. “I succeeded, and when the time was right, I made my move. I took her.”

Casteel spoke the truth that was still hard to hear. “I took her, and I kept her, but not to use her. Somewhere along the way, I no longer saw her as a bargaining chip or a tool for revenge. I saw her for who she was. Who she is—this beautiful, strong, intelligent, endlessly curious and kind woman who was as much a victim of the Ascended as any Atlantians. I fell in love with her, probably long before I even realized I had.” He laughed, the sound rough. And gods, it sounded so real that my throat knotted. “My plans changed. What I believed about Malik changed. And this was before I learned what she was. That she is part Atlantian. She is the reason I came home.”

My gaze collided with Kieran’s, and he nodded as if to confirm what Casteel said.

But how could it be?

When he’d been expected to marry someone else for decades and never once told me? Then again, he had yet to really say a word about Shea.

Pressing my lips together, I looked away. If only all of what he’d said was true. The future would be different. Everything would be different. I wished he hadn’t spoken those words at all.

The old woman Casteel had talked to earlier spoke up. “And you knew that he originally planned to use you?”

“I didn’t at first, not until after he’d already gained my trust and that of the Ascended in charge of me. When I found out…” I trailed off, thinking my reaction was best not known.

“She stabbed me in the heart with a bloodstone dagger,” Casteel finished instead.

The old woman blinked while Jasper gave a sudden bark of laughter. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But damn…are you for real?”

“It’s true,” Kieran confirmed. “She thought it would kill him.”

Emil started to grin but one look from Casteel stopped that in its tracks.

Shifting in the suddenly uncomfortable chair, I wondered how in the world that piece of knowledge helped anything. “I was a little angry.”

Casteel arched a brow as he glanced at me. “A little?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Okay. I was very angry.”

“I didn’t know that,” Alastir said from behind the rim of his cup.

“Obviously, Casteel takes after his father when it comes to women with sharp objects,” Jasper commented with a snort. “I feel like I’m missing some vital information that Delano conveniently left out when he met me halfway.”

I frowned, but at least I knew where Delano had been.

“You stabbed Casteel?” Jasper repeated. “In the heart? With bloodstone. And you thought it would kill him?”

“In my defense, I felt bad afterward.”

“She did cry,” Casteel remarked.

I was going to stab him again.

“But I trusted him, and he betrayed that,” I continued. “I was the Maiden, nearly groomed my entire life to remain pure and focused only on my Ascension. I was Chosen to be given to the gods, even though I never chose the life. And I don’t know what you know of me, but I had no control over where I went, who I spoke to or could speak with. I was veiled, unable to even look someone in the eye if they were allowed to speak with me. I didn’t get to choose what I ate, when I left my chambers, or who was allowed to even touch me. But he was the first thing I’d ever truly chosen for myself.”

My voice cracked slightly as the knot expanded. I took a shallow breath, feeling Casteel’s gaze on me, but I refused to look at him. I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to know what he was feeling.

“I chose him when I knew him as Hawke,” I forced myself to continue, to say what I needed to say so that everyone in the room could hear me even if it felt like I was scraping at a wound in my chest with rusty nails. “I didn’t know what that would mean at that time, other than I wanted to have something that I actually wanted for myself. I’d already begun to question things—the Ascended and if I could be or do what they required of me. I’d already begun to realize that I couldn’t live like I was any longer. That the Maiden wasn’t me, and I was better and stronger and meant for something other than that. But he…he was the catalyst in a way. And I chose him. I chose him because he made me feel like I was something other than the Maiden, and he saw me when no one else ever really did. He made me feel alive. He valued me for who I am and didn’t try to control me. And then it all seemed like a lie once I realized the truth of who he was and why he was a part of my life.”

Neither Alastir nor Jasper spoke. I could still feel Casteel’s stare.

I swallowed, but the knot was still there. “So, yes, I was very angry, but what I felt for him before remained, and after learning the entire truth about the Ascended and what had happened to him and to his brother, I could understand why he set out to use me. That doesn’t mean that it was okay, but I could understand why. I refused his proposal at first, just so you know. Accepting him and…and allowing myself to feel what I did for him was a betrayal to those who were lost in all of this, and it felt like a betrayal to myself. But I still chose him despite it all.”

I closed my eyes. Up until this moment, I’d spoken the truth, some of it new to me, and I did so for the first time in front of Casteel. What came next was easier because it was the lie. “We’ve moved past how we met. At least, I have. He loves me, and I wouldn’t be here in a room full of people who have spent the entire dinner staring at me in distaste or distrust,”—I opened my eyes, slowly looking across the table, to the two mortal men—“if what we felt for one another wasn’t real. I surely would not be on my way to an entire kingdom who will likely whisper each time they see me, distrust everything there is about me, and look upon me as if I deserve not even minimal respect.”

The two men looked away, their cheeks flushing.

“I…” Dante sat down. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You,”—Casteel cleared his throat—“you don’t have to say anything. You, all of you, just need to accept that this is real.”

Real.

Alastir leaned back, his gaze heavy and somber.

It was Jasper who spoke, with a faint lift of his lips. “If you’ve chosen her, then how can we not do the same?”

Hatred.

That was what I tasted in the back of my throat, what I inhaled with every breath as I sat at the table. It came from different directions at different times, pinging around the room even though most of the tension had left once it didn’t appear as if Casteel would tear out the hearts of Alastir or Dante. Most returned to their dinners and conversation. Except for Casteel, who watched me, and the silver-haired wolven who also studied me as if I were some sort of puzzle.

But several others in the room didn’t stare and remained silent. People who hadn’t projected their emotions before but did so now.

Their anger coated every drink I took or piece of food I swallowed with a bitter taste. It took no leap of logic to realize that they weren’t happy with what Casteel or Jasper had said. Nor anything I’d said had changed what they believed of me. It wasn’t all of them, thank the gods, but it was enough for me to know that I was still not welcome here.

Restlessness hummed through me, an almost nervous sort of energy as I tried and failed to shut off the emotions of others. I didn’t know why I couldn’t when reading the emotions only when I wanted to had become so much easier throughout the day. Was it because I was tired? Maybe it was what happened with Beckett or possibly even what I’d done in the cavern with Casteel.