Breathe (Colorado Mountain 4)

I didn’t want to know this. I didn’t want him to know this. I didn’t know why he was sharing this. And I didn’t want to know how he knew this.

But he told me.

“Misty and a girlfriend took an assignment from Arnie Fuller and they did that shit to my Dad. They also taped it. They also blackmailed him with it. And I’ve seen that tape.”

My mouth dropped open as my stomach clenched and bile filled my throat.

I closed my mouth to swallow it down.

Chace’s eyes moved over my face and when they locked on mine, he whispered, “Yeah. That unpleasant enough for you, Faye?”

It definitely was.

“I –” I started.

“Gets worse,” he cut me off and I blinked again.

Worse?

How could that possibly get worse?

Chace told me.

“Her play, soon’s you get over the shock of learning that jacked up shit, you’d figure out. But still, I’ll tell you. She used that tape to get money from my Dad. Arnie used it to get my Dad under his thumb and Misty used it more to get my ring on her finger. They played that tape for me and told me the way. Either I marry Misty and tow the dirty cop line or my Mom sees that tape. So I wind up with a f**kin’ wife who did my Dad dirty in more than one way. I got that shit burned in my brain and her slut ass sleepin’ in my f**kin’ bed. Top that, through that shit, I know what they’re doin’ to Ty, I know why and I can’t do one f**kin’ thing to stop it or my Mom pays. In the end for all I know, I got no shot at anything, Misty doesn’t let me go or shit doesn’t get cleaned up. No future. No family. No you. Nothin’ that I wanted, wanted all my life, important things like a woman I loved in my bed and kids we made under the roof I provided by doin’ good work I was proud of. Just a bitch in my bed and a Dad who cheats on my Mom and how he cheats a memory I will never, ever erase.”

Oh my fraking God.

“Chace –” I whispered.

“You want more?”

My heart seized.

“More?” I breathed.

“Yeah, Faye,” he leaned in deeper, “more.”

I didn’t but I would take it. Still, he didn’t give me the chance to accept or refuse.

He kept right on going.

“Before Misty, before she did that to my Dad, I was Frank. I did what I could for the citizens of this town knowin’ things were gettin’ ugly but keepin’ my nose clean. I worked my brothers, hopin’ they’d turn from the dark side. After they had me, after I saw that tape, I had no choice but to join their ranks. My mother saw that, tonight, she was good, tonight, you helped her keep it together but she saw that, Faye, trust me, she’d unravel. Hospital stay. My count since I could remember, she’s had four. One lasted six months. This would destroy her. If by some miracle she got better, she couldn’t live with him. Problem is, she can’t live without him. Knowin’ that, knowin’ she had nothin’ good to get out for, she might never recover. I don’t want my mother in a hospital the next thirty years. I got no choice. Keep my mouth shut, take my envelopes filled with dirty money, look the other way and step up when they gave me an assignment.”

“You returned the money,” I reminded him quietly. “It said so in the papers.”

“Yeah, but when my father’s cronies, The Elite, got their shit in another mess, this mess involving Arnie, a mess that had to be sorted with muscle behind a badge, they sent me. With no choice, I went.”

I didn’t understand.

“Chace, I don’t –”

“A man tried to horn in on Arnie’s blackmail and extortion business and they sent me to talk him down. Except, to talk him down, I had to use my fists and with that tape in an envelope ready to be couriered to my mother, I had no choice but to do it.”

I understood then and, involuntarily, my feet took me a step back and, not that he could, but still, Chace didn’t miss it.

“Yeah,” he whispered, his face as hard and harsh as his voice, “see that dark gathering now, don’t you, baby?”

“You went to Internal Affairs,” I whispered.

“Yeah, I did. I took as much of it as I could stomach then I swung my mother’s ass out there and went to IA. Fun choice, my mother’s mental health or my ass.”

“And the town,” I added.

“Yeah, and the town. Detective Chace Keaton, the courageous hero who brought down a band of dirty cops. They hid the fact I was one. They hid the fact that for years I did shit or didn’t do shit I should have when people were getting f**ked. Not just a little, like your Dad gettin’ pulled over, which, by the way, Faye, I knew was happening but couldn’t stop. But a lot, like Ty Walker losin’ five f**kin’ years of his f**kin’ life rotting in a prison states away, doin’ time for a crime he did not commit. Your Dad said when a wrong’s bein’ done, you’re no person he’d want to know if you don’t do what you can to make it right. You live by that too and I’m that person you don’t wanna know.”

“Chace, you did something,” I reminded him.

“And, before, I did other things, Faye. I was that wrong.”

“You were forced to be.”

He shook his head. “A stronger man would not have been forced to be.”

“Your mother –”

“I could have walked away,” he told me.

“I wouldn’t have,” I returned instantly.

At my words, his body jolted.

I kept talking.

“Someone intended to harm my Mom, Dad, Liza, the boys, any of my family or someone I loved, I’d do what I could to stop it. Anyone who loves someone would.”

“Even lie down with filth?” he asked, disbelief heavy in his tone.

“Whatever it took,” I answered.

He shook his head. “No, darlin’, easy to say, harder to do.”

“I don’t mean it was easy, I mean I would do it.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I can. You were raised by Silas and Sondra Goodknight. You would make the right choice. I was raised by Trane and Valerie Keaton. I made the wrong one.”

“You made the only choice.”

“In hindsight, everything seems clear but at the time, it was not and I had choices. I just didn’t make the right ones.”

“You loved her and your hand was forced. It took you a while but you eventually saw your way clear and got the town clear and, incidentally, it’s debatable if that was the right choice since I can assume it made her more vulnerable than she already is.”