In to Her

Yeah, I get that. “That’s not love, Yvette. At least I don’t think so. I’m not an expert, so take this for what it’s worth. But that sounds a lot like hate to me.”

“I did love Chris. But was he my soulmate?” She squints her eyes and crinkles her nose as she thinks. “I don’t know.”

I nod. Because that’s a firm no in my book, but no one wants to admit they fell in love for safety.

And that’s what she did.

Her baby girl? Well, that’s a whole different story that I won’t ask about. Falling in love with children is easy. Sometimes all it takes is one look.

“I can make you safe,” I say. “I can protect you and your little boy too. I know you know where he’s at.”

She doesn’t deny it this time. Doesn’t confirm it, either, but that’s not the important part.

“I don’t trust you,” she says.

“No.” I sorta laugh. “No one trusts me. Well… maybe AJ. But it’s misplaced.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because he knows better than to trust me.”

“You would fuck him over to save yourself?” she asks.

“In a heartbeat.”

She wriggles in my lap, trying to get away. Probably has an instant urge to get as far away from me as she possibly can. But I don’t let her go. I say, “Sit still and listen to me very carefully, OK?”

“Why? Why should I listen to anything you say? You’re going to sell us out. You basically just admitted that.”

“Because in case you haven’t noticed, I’m all you’ve got. So listen.”

She huffs, and frowns, and shoots me a look of disgust. But I’m used to those looks.

“If you tell me where that kid is, I’ll make a promise to protect you.”

“Oh.” She laughs. “That’s amazing. Thank you. Let me just spill all my deepest secrets to the only man I’ve ever met who admits he’s a lowlife piece of shit. Because that makes so much sense.”

I let her feel that disgust. Maybe even relish in it a little. Because I do have a plan. I do have a way out. But all the pieces have to line up just so. Which means I need her on board.

“I can get you out of this. If that’s what you want.”

“I just have to trust you.” She laughs again.

“Look,” I say. “I’m just being honest with you. And that’s probably more than you ever got from most people in your life. Let’s look at this logically, OK? Damon married you when you were underage, so that means your parents sold you out. Did they tell you that you’d be raped on your wedding night? No, I’m guessing not. I’m also guessing you didn’t even bother telling your father that happened, did you?”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“Everything, Yvette. You said so yourself. When kids don’t feel safe they grow up and do shitty things to make themselves feel better.”

“I haven’t treated anyone like shit. I left, that’s it. I left and kept to myself.”

“Did Chris know about Damon?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Did you tell him, Hey, I’m a mobster’s wife on the run. And one day, just when we think we’re happy and living the dream, he’s gonna come back and fuck everything up for us?”

I give her the courtesy of silence to wait for an answer, but I already know she won’t answer.

So I continue. “No, you didn’t tell him that. You never even told him Damon came into the bar, did you?” This time I don’t wait for her answer. “You sold him out.”

“Fuck you,” she says. And she gets up out of my lap so quick, I can’t grab her back and keep her still. “Just fuck you.” She walks over to a chair and sits down, drawing her knees up to her chest.

I let her stew like that for several seconds, glaring at me with a look of pure hate.

“Yvette.” I sigh. “I’m not judging you. It’s called survival, cookie. It’s nothing more than instinctual self-preservation. That’s all I’m doing too. That’s my only point here.”

“You’re going to sell me out.”

“No.”

“You’re going to get the information you need, call up Damon, and sell me out.”

“No,” I say again.

“And you’re going to sell out AJ too. I can feel it. I’ve been watching you very carefully. I’ve seen it.”

“Seen what?”

“I don’t know,” she says, shaking her head. “The only thing I do know is that you’re a monster.”

“Again,” I say, losing patience, “I’m not denying that. I’m being honest with you. I’m not going to sell you out. I’m making you a fucking offer. And it’s the only offer you’ve got, cookie. So you should probably stop reacting to what you think you know and listen more carefully for the things you don’t.”

“What offer?”

I stretch out my hand and say, “Come here,” motioning to her with my fingers.