In to Her

“I still miss you,” I say, looking out over the city from my new penthouse apartment. “I still miss you. But I can live with it.”

Because sometimes love means walking away.

So that’s what I did.

This is how I love you both now.

From far, far away.

Chapter Thirty-Nine – YVETTE

Dear Logan,

It has been one week since we arrived at your beautiful house and every day when I get up I look around, hoping that you came in the night and didn’t want to wake us.

I hope you’re sleeping on the couch, or sitting out on the beach watching the sun rise, counting the minutes until we wake up and realize you’re home. That our little team is now complete.

But every day, for the last seven days, I’ve been disappointed.

I have begged AJ to let me call you or send you a letter but he says we can’t. That you sacrificed too much to get us here safely and we owe it to you not to ruin that.

So I’m writing this letter so that when you finally do come, you’ll know how grateful we are. And how much we miss you. And what you mean to us.

In the meantime I beg AJ for stories instead. I want to know everything about you. And AJ is happy to tell me. He smiles every time he says your name. Every time he revisits some adventure the two of you had. Even the times you fought.

And I want to tell you that you are brave, and strong, and so much more than anyone ever thought you were. I hope you know that. I hope you believe it. Because you gave up your own happiness for us.

We love you for that.

I want to know what you’re doing. I want to know how you spend your days. I want to know where you live, and what you eat, and who your friends are. And AJ won’t tell me those things. He says you wouldn’t want me to know you that way. He says I should think of you as the man you were when you saved us, and not the man you were before.

So I have made up my own world for you. I gave you a new job—saving homeless puppies, obviously. ;) And you’re really good at that, just FYI. You’ve already been nominated for the Puppy-Saver of the Year Award and I know you’ll win.

I gave you a new house. Even though I didn’t know where you lived before all this happened, I figured new everything was in order. So you’ve moved to the country and have a million puppies because you can’t bear to part with them. Kittens too. It’s peaceful out there. Like it is here. You deserve that. You deserve a quiet life like we now have because of your selflessness.

For the past few nights AJ and I have been playing a game called “What did Logan do today?”

And he answers, or I answer.

You have pretty exciting days saving puppies.

But it makes me sad to play the game and imagine this new life for you, Logan. Because I know your reality is hell. I know you’re still stuck and we’re free. I know you want more and you can’t have it.

Sometimes I think… I should’ve never told you about how I wanted a better life for my baby boy. Because I fear that was the moment you decided to be my monster for real. To fight all my battles for me, even though we were almost strangers.

If I could, I’d take that back. I’d be selfish and tell you I was going to go get him. Take him with me. Think only of myself.

Because maybe, if I had said that, you would have come with us? You would be in paradise with us right now and not a slave to the devil called Damon.

I’ve been thinking about how I could repay you and so far the only thing I’ve come up with is to keep you alive in my heart. In both our hearts. That’s why we talk about you. We need to keep you alive so when you do come, you’ll fill that empty space up like you were always there to begin with.

I know you will come. One day you’ll be here with us.

We will wait for you.

Love, Yvette and AJ

Chapter Forty – AJ

Dear Logan,

Dude. What the fuck are you doing? Jesus fucking Christ man, it’s been more than a month! If I have to listen to one more story about you saving puppies I’m going to puke! You need to be here. You need to drop everything and get your ass down to Holbox, OK?

We miss you. And nothing is the same without you. I know it’s dumb because the three of us were only together for twenty-four hours, but something happened in that one day. Something big. Something important. Something we all needed.