Callum & Harper (Sleepless 1)

“Shh,” he says, wrapping his arms tighter around my torso. “Me too,” he whispers.

Callum

This wasn’t supposed to be how it happened, I thought. I felt so foolish. I stupidly felt like I could somehow make our arrangement more than what it really was and I had forgotten how to be a man. I wanted her - more than anything - I wanted her to be mine and was too much of a coward to take what I wanted from the beginning. I could have spared myself all this heartache if I’d only been honest with her from the start.

“Callum!” I heard over the street noise below. “Callum!” It’s Cherry but I can’t muster the voice to call back to her. It doesn’t matter because she and SO find me anyway. “What are you doing out here?” She asks, climbing through the window, SO following behind her.

“Harper’s out in the hall crying, Callum,” SO says, eyeing me carefully, folding his arms across his chest. I can see he wants to accuse me of something but he’s waiting for a preemptive explanation. I don’t give anything. There’s nothing to tell. What am I going to say? SO, I fake married Harper yet, still, foolishly fell in love with her but she doesn’t feel the same way. No, I don’t think so. “She’s crying like I’ve never seen her cry. Did you - you didn’t cheat on her, did you?”

Cherry hits SO’s shoulder in my defense. “SO!”

“Ow! What?” He asks, rubbing where she hit. “I’ve never seen Harper so upset!”

“Callum,” Cherry said, “she’s out in the hall by herself. It’s not exactly ideal since, well I don’t want to bring it up but John Bell. She shouldn’t be alone.”

I shot up like a light and sped through the apartment with both Cherry and SO close on my heels. We opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief, she’s alive and well. ‘Crap’, she says. What a strange situation we’d found ourselves in. Cherry escorts SO back into the apartment, leaving us alone.

She stands quickly, facing me, and I knew immediately that her face was the most beautiful and most painful thing I would possibly look at...ever. She slowly stepped backwards toward the elevators. I follow her, memorizing her every move. I hold out my hand and, surprisingly, she takes it.

“What are we going to do?” I asked.

“I - I’m not sure,” she said, wary.

“Do we go back to pretending?” I asked. “That we’re married?”

“Is there much of a point now that John Bell knows of our identities?” She said, stunning my heart to a still. Her words shoot through me like a poison tipped arrow. Mortally wounding. The effects, I’m afraid, contort my face but I try my hardest to fix it before I hurt her own feelings.

“I suppose not,” I said, “but...”

“But?” She asks, her eyebrows raised.

“But we’ll at least stay friends, right Harper?” I softly grab her arm, sending an alarming pain to the center of my chest, unbeknownst to her.

She steps back to put distance between us, piercing me yet again.

“I don’t know. Can we?” She asks. “We both know that when one friend is in love with the other, it never bodes well.”

It seemed careless, her statement, its damaging effects making my shoulders hang limply. She cut me down once again. She knows I’m in love with her, she just said it with her own words and she’s reminding me she can’t return the favor.

Seemingly in regret, she throws her arms around my neck, sobbing into my shoulder. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” she said. “I don’t think I can live without you, Callum. Despite everything, you’re still my best friend.”

I squeezed my arms around her small back and held her close, pretending she was mine. “I can’t do it either. Maybe it’s not healthy.” I stopped, choking on my words. “No, I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t do it. I can’t leave you.”

She cries harder. “Can we still live together, Callum? Do we,” she gulped. “Do we stay married?”

“I think we remain roommates. If you can do it, I can do it,” I said, coming to terms with what I must say next.

“And our marriage?” She asks, tearing her face from my t-shirt and peering up at me.

I close my eyes and sigh loudly. “I think we should divorce,” I say thickly.

The word hangs in the air like a noose. A new wave of pain inundates me

“I’m so sorry, Callum,” she said. “I wish I could change how I feel.”

Me too but I wish more that I wasn’t so in love with you. But I don’t say it. I can’t. It’s too fresh to say the word out loud.

“Shh,” I say, wrapping my arms tighter around her torso. “Me too,” I whispered.