The Sexpert

And I have to be very honest with myself about something: I didn’t care that she was. I really didn’t. Frankly, I was relieved that it gave us an excuse to break up. Because I don’t have a lot of quit in me. I will stick with something until the bitter end. Whether it makes sense or not. Character flaw.

What bothered me is that she lied. And not just lied about cheating, lied about who she was. If that makes sense. She presented herself as one thing to me and the world, but somehow, underneath that, it turns out she did have blood and passion and feelings.

Just not with me.

I can take a lot in this life, but betrayal I’m not great with. Hell, when I felt I had betrayed Pierce in college—even though it was a total accident—it caused me to make some fundamental, core changes to my life that I stand by to this day. So, yeah, I take that shit seriously.

Anyhoo… Three days after our fateful breakfast, Alice moved out.

After that, I just worked on my project all the time. I got possessed. It was like a fever. And in the course of playing with some software that I didn’t really know how to use, I accidentally stumbled onto what became Voice Lift.

The rest of the story is pretty boring and covers way more patent law than I ever thought I would learn, but being that close to Palo Alto at the time, it wasn’t hard to find people who could take my little discovery and turn it into a billion-dollar company.

Ironically, it turns out that my art and my experimentation is what led directly to the success I’m having now. Also, it turns out that what I really love is making stuff. Figuring stuff out. Solving problems. Solving puzzles. So the company is kind of a perfect fit. It allows me to scratch my artistic itch while still doing something new and cool every day. And lately I’ve been thinking about how far I’ve come in this crazy journey and how…yeah…it might be cool to share it with someone. I’m not worried about falling to my death alone, as Pierce said (although belaying with someone else is almost as much fun as “laying” with someone else. I just made that up), but it just would be fun to, I dunno, share the adventure with someone, I suppose.

And the thing that’s making me think about all this now is how one-hundred-and-eighty-degrees different this girl, Eden, is from all the other women I’ve known in my adult life. It’s really that simple. She seems like the kind of girl who’d be up for…adventure.

I also happen to be thinking this while watching Eden’s ass twitch in her skirt as she nibbles on the pen she’s holding, sniffing and rubbing the back of her hand across her runny nose, which is probably all stuffed up from the air-conditioned coolness in here compared to the torrid heat outside.

She’s a goddamn dirty trick.

“Yes, it’s the same parking spot always,” says Cheryl, fatigue setting into her once-chipper voice, the energy she had not so very long ago starting to fade.

“Hey, gang! Let’s see the digs, shall we?” I bellow out. It’s almost like I startled them both out of a deep sleep, the way they jump.

“I just have one more question,” says Eden, but I grab her by the wrist and pull her along before she can ask it.

She looks shocked for a second that I would seize her like that, but I just smile and say, “Sorry, pumpkin, but see this five o’clock shadow?” She nods, still looking surprised. “Yeah… I didn’t have that when you started talking. Let’s go.”

“Is this the pool?” Eden asks, as we are standing at the edge of what is very clearly a pool on the ground floor, just beyond the leasing office.

“Um… Yes,” Cheryl says.

“Good eye,” I lean in and whisper.

Eden ignores me and says, “Oh, that’s nice. I think my apartment is right up there, so I’ll be close.” I feel like I can sense a hint of pride in her voice.

Cheryl glances at her file again, “Yes, yes, your unit is right by the elevator that comes here to the pool.”

That causes Eden to gnaw at her lip. “Elevator to… Hm. Does it get very crowded? The pool, I mean?”

“Well, sure. It can. When it’s hot out like this,” Cheryl offers.

“Hm. How crowded?” Eden asks, nervously.

“Yeah, how crowded?” I ask too. I don’t really care all that much. I’m just trying to make it appear like I’m interested in the crap Cheryl’s telling us about the building and not just in hanging around Eden. Which, despite all my instincts telling me not to… I am.

“Oh, well, you don’t really have to worry about that,” Cheryl tells me.