The Sexpert

And I don’t care.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – ANDREW

“Why am I here? I don’t work for you.”

“You don’t have to be here,” says Pierce, sliding on his rock climbing shoes.

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing. You don’t wanna be here, go. I figured you’d dig all this rock climbing nonsense, but split if you don’t wanna stick around. You’ve got free will.”

I’m not sure he’s right. I’m not certain that I do have free will. Feels like right now my will is somehow bound explicitly to my dick. Because that is the reason that I’m here at Le Man’s Saturday team-building jamboree/hootenanny. I figure, since PC told me that it’s mandatory for his employees, that Eden will have to be here too.

I haven’t seen her since we acted out the porno version of Singin’ in the Rain at my place. (Swingin’ in the Rain? Slingin’ in the Rain?) And I can’t stop thinking about her.

There are a few reasons for that.

First, there’s the fact that despite me trying to tell myself it’s not true… I’m pretty sure she is the Sexpert girl.

I don’t have definitive confirmation yet; Dev’s a perfectionist and won’t let me field-test the new app until he’s happy with it. He says, “It works, but it’s clumsy. I won’t use an inelegant product with my name on it.” (He’s young. He’ll have to learn that sometimes good enough is good enough.) But I’ve watched several of the videos at this point and the coincidences can’t be coincidences. They just can’t.

Add to that the fact that having seen Eden’s breasts up close and personal… Well. There are no two people on the planet with boobs like that.

Unless she has a twin.

Huh.

I didn’t even think about that.

That’s hot.

Regardless…

The second reason I can’t stop thinking about her is because she’s the first woman I’ve been with in a long, long, long time. And though we didn’t actually have intercourse… Well, that’s the thing. I really, really want to. So, yeah, she’s been on my mind.

And the last reason I can’t stop thinking about her is… I like her.

I just really like her. She feels good. And she makes me feel good. And she’s funny. And she’s fun. And I like her.

But I’m so far out of the game at this point, I’m not sure what’s right. By which, I mean I’m not sure what the correct way to proceed is. She took off out of my place so freaked out that I wanted to give her some space. Besides, I figured I’d just run into her again. Hell, I ran into her all over the place when I wasn’t trying to. But, of course, as the laws of the universe would have it, as soon as I wanted to run into her, it stopped happening.

I even did some weird shit like hang out by the pool downstairs to see if she’d show up. Cheryl saw me there and asked why I was at the community pool when I have my own, private one on the roof. But she asked the question a little too loudly and this girl in what can only be charitably described as a “micro-bikini” came flouncing over to find out more about me.

And now I don’t hang out by the community pool anymore. (I may be horny, but I also enjoy being disease-free.)

The thing I did that’s the most unlike me is that I convinced Myrtle to give me Eden’s phone number. It took some cajoling. And it was both uncomfortable and something I know I’m going to regret. Because now I think I might owe Myrtle a favor. And I’m sure that at some point, that will involve making certain a body is never found.

In any case, after I called Eden and she hung up on me, I decided the best thing I can do is just try to forget about the whole thing. I’ve attempted to focus on running a company for the last few days, but my mind starts wandering in meetings. It’s weird. Even as discomfited as I’ve been having to admit to myself that I’m a CEO now and not Jasper Johns, like I wanted to be, I’ve been pretty good about compartmentalizing it. I can knuckle down and do my job when I have to. But since the Eden/rain/mid-day romance thing, my mind is wandering more. I find myself drifting off and thinking about, hell, whatever, painting murals on the sides of mountains and stuff.

I know that it’s just dopamine and norepinephrine and stuff like that coursing through my bloodstream as a result of the exciting newness of being with a woman I find interesting. I totally get that. It’s the same reason I like to climb. The same chemicals get released. But y’know what? Who cares? It feels good and there’s nothing wrong with feeling good. And I just kind of want to keep feeling it as long as I can.