Equal Rites (Discworld 3)

It wouldn't move.

“It won't move!”

Sweat stood out of his brow as he tugged at the wood. It remained unco-operatively immobile.

“Here, let me try,” said Granny, and reached past him. There was a snap and a smell of scorched tin.

Smith ran across the forge, whimpering slightly, to where Granny had landed upside down against the opposite wall.

“Are you all right?”

She opened two eyes like angry diamonds and said, “I see. That's the way of it, is it?”

“The way of what?” said Smith, totally bewildered.

“Help me up, you fool. And fetch me a chopper.”

The tone of her voice suggested that it would be a very good idea not to disobey. Smith rummaged desperately among the junk at the back of the forge until he found an old double-headed axe.

“Right. Now take off your apron.”

“Why? What do you intend to do?” said the smith, who was beginning to lose his grip on events. Granny gave an exasperated sigh.

“It's leather, you idiot. I'm going to wrap it around the handle. It'll not catch me the same way twice!”

Smith struggled out of the heavy leather apron and handed it to her very gingerly. She wrapped it around the axe and made one or two passes in the air. Then, a spiderlike figure in the glow of the nearly incandescent furnace, she stalked across the room and with a grunt of triumph and effort brought the heavy blade sweeping down right in the center of the staff.

There was a click. There was a noise like a partridge. There was a thud.

There was silence.

Smith reached up very slowly, without moving his head, and touched the axe blade. It wasn't on the axe any more. It had buried itself in the door by his head, taking a tiny nick out of his ear.

Granny stood looking slightly blurred from hitting an absolutely immovable object, and stared at the stub of wood in her hands.

“Rrrrightttt,” she stuttered: “Iiiinnn tthhatttt cccasseee -”

“No,” said Smith firmly, rubbing his ear. “Whatever it is you're going to suggest, no. Leave it. I'll pile some stuff around it. No one'll notice. Leave it. It's just a stick.”

“just a stick?”

“Have you got any better ideas? Ones that won't take my head off?”

She glared at the staff, which appeared not to notice.

“Not right now,” she admitted. “But you just give me time -”

“All right, all right. Anyway, I've got things to do, wizards to bury, you know how it is.”

Smith took a spade from beside the back door and hesitated.

“Granny.”

“What?”

“Do you know how wizards like to be buried?”

“Yes! ”