Mort (Discworld 4)

He paused. The way you're looking at me,' he said. They looked at me the same way in the inn this evening. What's wrong?'

'It was the way you waved your arm straight through the bedpost,' said Keli faintly.

Mort stared at his hand, and then rapped it on the wood.

'See?' he said. 'Solid. Solid arm, solid wood.'

'You said people looked at you in an inn?' said Cutwell. 'What did you do, then? Walk through the wall?'

'No! I mean, no, I just drank this drink, I think it was called scrumble —'

'Scumble?'

'Yes. Tastes like rotten apples. You'd have thought it was some sort of poison the way they kept staring.'

'How much did you drink, then?' said Cutwell.

'A pint, perhaps, I wasn't really paying much attention —'

'Did you know scumble is the strongest alcoholic drink between here and the Ramtops?' the wizard demanded.

'No. No-one said,' said Mort. 'What's it got to do with—'

'No,' said Cutwell, slowly, 'you didn't know. Hmm. That's a clue, isn't it?'

'Has it got anything to do with saving the princess?'

'Probably not. I'd like to have a look at my books, though.'

'In that case it's not important,' said Mort firmly.

He turned to Keli, who was looking at him with the faint beginnings of admiration.

'I think I can help,' he said. 'I think I can lay my hands on some powerful magic. Magic will hold back the dome, won't it, Cutwell?'

'My magic won't. It'd have to be pretty strong stuff, and I'm not sure about it even then. Reality is tougher than —'

'I shall go,' said Mort. 'Until tomorrow, farewell!'

'It is tomorrow,' Keli pointed out.

Mort deflated slightly.

'All right, tonight then,' he said, slightly put out, and added, 'I will begone!'

'Begone what?'

'It's hero talk,' said Cutwell, kindly. 'He can't help it.' Mort scowled at him, smiled bravely at Keli and walked out of the room.

'He might have opened the door,' said Keli, after he had gone.

'I think he was a bit embarrassed,' said Cutwell. 'We all go through that stage.'

'What, of walking through things?'

'In a manner of speaking. Walking into them, anyway.'

'I'm going to get some sleep,' Keli said. 'Even the dead need some rest. Cutwell, stop fiddling with that crossbow, please. I'm sure it's not wizardly to be alone in a lady's boudoir.'