Pyramids (Discworld 7)

'Yes, yes,' said Teppic. 'We'll have them. We'll have them all. All of them.'

The architect took a deep breath.

'And of course you'll require all the usual steles, avenues, ceremonial sphinxes-' he began.

'Lots,' said Teppic. 'We leave it entirely up to you.'

Ptaclusp mopped his brow.

'Fine,' he said. 'Marvellous.' He blew his nose. 'Your father, if I may make so bold, O sower of the seed, is extremely fortunate in having such a dutiful son. I may add-'

'You may go,' said Dios. 'And we will expect work to start imminently.'

'Without delay, I assure you,' said Ptaclusp. 'Er.'

He seemed to be wrestling with some huge philosophical problem.

'Yes?' said Dios coldly.

'It's uh. There's the matter of uh. Which is not to say uh. Of course, oldest client, valued customer, but the fact is that uh. Absolutely no doubt about credit worthiness uh. Would not wish to suggest in any way whatsoever that uh.'

Dios gave him a stare that would have caused a sphinx to blink and look away.

'You wish to say something?' he said. 'His majesty's time is extremely limited.'

Ptaclusp worked his jaw silently, but the result was a foregone conclusion. Even gods had been reduced to sheepish mumbling in the face of Dios's face. And the carved snakes on his staff seemed to be watching him too.

'Uh. No, no. Sorry. I was just, uh, thinking aloud. I'll depart, then, shall I? Such a lot of work to be done. Uh.' He bowed low.

He was halfway to the archway before Dios added: 'Completion in three months. In time for Inundation.'[12]

'What?'

'You are talking to the 1,398th monarch,' said Dios icily. Ptaclusp swallowed. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'I mean, what?, O great king. I mean, block haulage alone will take. Uh.' The architect's lips trembled as he tried out various comments and, in his imagination, ran them full tilt into Dios's stare. 'Tsort wasn't built in a day,' he mumbled.

'We do not believe we laid the specifications for that job,' said Dios. He gave Ptaclusp a smile. In some ways it was worse than everything else. 'We will, of course,' he said, 'pay extra.'

'But you never pa-' Ptaclusp began, and then sagged.

'The penalties for not completing on time will, of course, be terrible,' said Dios. 'The usual clause.'

Ptaclusp hadn't the nerve left to argue. 'Of course,' he said, utterly defeated. 'It is an honour. Will your eminences excuse me? There are still some hours of daylight left.'

Teppic nodded.

'Thank you,' said the architect. 'May your loins be truly fruitful. Saving your presence, Lord Dios.'

They heard him running down the steps outside.

'It will be magnificent. Too big, but - magnificent,' said Dios. He looked out between the pillars at the necropolic panorama on the far bank of the Djel.

'Magnificent,' he repeated. He winced once more at the stab of pain in his leg. Ah. He'd have to cross the river again tonight, no doubt of it. He'd been foolish, putting it off for days. But it would be unthinkable not to be in a position to serve the kingdom properly.

'Something wrong, Dios?' said Teppic.

'Sire?'

'You looked a bit pale, I thought.' A look of panic flickered over Dios's wrinkled features. He pulled himself upright.