Guards! Guards! (Discworld 8)

“No, my lord. On it. ”

The Patrician turned this fact over in his mind. “Don't they find it rather knobbly?” he said.

“So I would imagine, sir. I don't suppose anyone has ever asked.”

“Hmm. Can they talk?”

“They're apparently good at it, my lord.”

“Ah. Interesting.”

The Patrician was thinking: if it can talk, it can negotiate. If it can negotiate, then I have it by the short-by the small scales, or whatever it is they have.

“And they are said to be silver tongued,” said Wonse. The Patrician leaned back in his chair.

“Only silver?” he said.

There was the sound of muted voices in the passageway outside and Vimes was ushered in.

“Ah, Captain,” said the Patrician, “what progress?”

“I'm sorry, my lord?” said Vimes, as the rain dripped off his cape.

“Towards apprehending this dragon,” said the Patrician firmly.

“The wading bird?” said Vimes.

“You know very well what I mean,” said Vetinari sharply.

“Investigations are in hand,” said Vimes automatically.

The Patrician snorted. “All you have to do is find its lair,” he said. “Once you have the lair, you have the dragon. That's obvious. Half the city seems to be looking for it.”

“If there is a lair,” said Vimes.

Wonse looked up sharply.

“Why do you say that?”

“We are considering a number of possibilities,” said Vimes woodenly.

“If it has no lair, where does it spend its days?” said the Patrician.

“Inquiries are being pursued,” said Vimes.

“Then pursue them with alacrity. And find the lair,” said the Patrician sourly.

“Yes, sir. Permission to leave, sir?”

“Very well. But I shall expect progress by tonight, do you understand?”

Now why did I wonder if it has a lair? Vimes thought, as he stepped out into the daylight and the crowded square. Because it didn't look real, that's why. If it isn't real, it doesn't need to do anything we expect. How can it walk out of an alley it didn't go into?

Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth. The problem lay in working out what was impossible, of course. That was the trick, all right.

There was also the curious incident of the orangutan in the night-time . . .

...