Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Partly a'cos of subtle signs what you don't seem to be abler recognize,' said Gaspode, 'and partly because he's actin' like a complete twerp, really.'

'Great to see you!' Dibbler enthused, his eyes glowing manically.

He put his arm round Victor's shoulder and half walked, half dragged him towards the tents.

'This is going to be a great picture!' he said.

'Oh, good,' said Victor weakly.

'You play this bandit chieftain,' said Dibbler, 'only a nice guy, too, kind to women and so forth, and you raid this village and you carry off this slave girl only when you look into her eyes, see, you fall for her, and then there's this raid and hundreds of men on elephants come charging-'

'Camels,' said a skinny youth behind Dibbler. 'It's camels.'

'I ordered elephants!'

'You got camels.'

'Camels, elephants,' said Dibbler dismissively. 'We're talking exotic here, OK? And-'

'And we've only got one,' said the youth.

'One what?'

'Camel. We could only find one camel,' said the youth.

'But I've got dozens of guys with bedsheets on their heads waiting for camels!' shouted Dibbler, waving his hands in the air. 'Lots of camels, right?'

'We only got one camel 'cos there's only one camel in Holy Wood and that's only 'cos a guy from Klatch rode all the way here on it,' said the youth.

'You should have sent away for more!' snapped Dibbler.

'Mr Silverfish said I wasn't to.'

Dibbler growled.

'Maybe if it moves around a lot it'll look like more than one camel,' said the youth optimistically.

'Why not ride the camel past the picture box, and then get the handleman to stop the demons, and lead it back and put a different rider on it, then start up the box again and ride it past again?' said Victor. 'Would that work?'

Dibbler looked at him open-mouthed.

'What did I tell you?' he said, to the sky in general. 'The lad is a genius! That way we can get a hundred camels for the price of one, right?'

'It means the desert bandits ride in single file, though,' said the youth. 'It's not like, you know, a massed attack.'

'Sure, sure,' said Dibbler dismissively. 'Makes sense. We just put a card up where the leader says, he says-' He thought for a second. 'He says, “Follow me in single file, bwanas, to fool the hated enemy,” OK?'

He nodded at Victor. 'Have you met my nephew Soll?' he said. 'Keen lad. Been nearly to school and everything. Brought him out here yesterday. He's Vice-President in Charge of Making Pictures.'

Soll and Victor exchanged nods.

'I don't think “bwanas” is the right word, Uncle,' said Soll.

'It's Klatchian, isn't it?' said Dibbler.

'Well, technically, but I think it's the wrong part of Klatch and maybe “effendies” or something-'

'Just so long as it's foreign,' said Dibbler with an air that suggested the matter was settled. He patted Victor on the back again. 'OK, kid, get into costume.' He chuckled. 'A hundred camels! What a mind!'