Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Come on,' said Victor grimly. 'While he's trying to find something to hit the camel with.'

They sat down in the shade behind the tent.

'I just want you to know', said Ginger coldly, 'that I have never attempted to look languorous in my life.'

'Could be worth a try,' said Victor, absently.

'What?'

'Sorry. Look, something made us act like that. I don't know how to use a sword. I've always just waved it around. What did you feel like?'

'You know how you feel when you hear someone say something and you realize you've been daydreaming?'

'It was like your own life fading away and something else filling up the space.'

They considered this in silence.

'Do you think it's something to do with Holy Wood?' she said.

Victor nodded. Then he threw himself sideways and landed on Gaspode, who had been watching them intently.

'Yelp,' said Gaspode.

'Now listen,' Victor hissed into his ear, 'No more of these hints. What is it that you noticed about us? Otherwise it's Detritus for you. With mustard.'

The dog squirmed in his grip.

'Or we could make you wear a muzzle,' said Ginger.

'I ain't dangerous!' wailed Gaspode, scrabbling with his paws in the sand.

'A talking dog sounds pretty dangerous to me,' said Victor.

'Dreadfully,' said Ginger. 'You never know what it might say.'

'See? See?' said Gaspode mournfully. 'I knew it'd be nothing but trouble, showin' I can talk. It shouldn't happen to a dog.'

'But it's going to,' said Victor.

'Oh, all right. All right. For what good it'll do,' muttered Gaspode.

Victor relaxed. The dog sat up and shook sand off himself.

'You won't understand it, anyway,' he grumbled. 'Another dog would understand, but you won't. It's down to species experience, see. Like kissing. You know what it's like, but I don't. It's not a canine experience.' He noticed the warning look in Victor's eyes, and plunged on, 'It's' the way you look as if you belong here.' He watched them for a moment. 'See? See?' he said. 'I tole you you wouldn't understand. It's - it's territory, see? You got all the signs of bein' right where you should be. Nearly everyone else here is a stranger, but you aren't. Er. Like, you mus' have noticed where some dogs bark at you when you're new to a place? It's not jus' smell, we got this amazin' sense of displacement. Like, some humans get uncomfortable when they see a picture hung crooked? It's like that, only worse. It's kind of like the only place you ought to be now is here.' He looked at them again, and then industriously scratched an ear.

'What the hell,' he said. 'The trouble is, I can explain it in Dog but you only listen in Human.'

'It sounds a bit mystical to me,' said Ginger.

'You said something about my eyes,' said Victor.

'Yeah, well. Have you looked at your own eyes?' Gaspode nodded at Ginger. 'You too, miss.'

'Don't be daft,' said Victor. 'How can we look at our own eyes?'

Gaspode shrugged. 'You could look at each other's,' he suggested.

They automatically turned to face each other.