Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

The implications of this sank in.

'If anyone doesn't want their crusts I'll 'ave 'em,' said Nanny Ogg.

'We never had this sort of thing in my young days,' said Granny. 'There was a dozen witches this side of the mountain alone. Of course, that was before all this' - she made a face - 'making your own entertainment. There's far too much of this making your own entertainment these days. We never made our own entertainment when I was a girl. We never had time.'

'Tempers fuggit,' said Nanny Ogg.

'What?'

'Tempers fuggit. Means that was then and this is now,' said Nanny.

'I don't need no-one to tell me that, Gytha Ogg. I know when now is.'

'You got to move with the times.'

'I don't see why. Don't see why we - '

'So I reckon we got to shift the boundaries again,' said Gammer Brevis.

'Can't do that,' said Granny Weatherwax promptly.

* Desiderata had sent a note via Old Mother Dismass asking to be excused on account of being dead. Second sight enables you to keep a very tight rein on your social engagements.

'I'm doing four villages already. The broomstick hardly has time to cool down.'

'Well, with Mother Hollow passing on, we're definitely short handed,' said Gammer Brevis. 'I know she didn't do a lot, what with her other work, but she was there. That's what it's all about. Being there. There's got to be a local witch.'

The four witches stared gloomily at the fire. Well, three of them did. Nanny Ogg, who tended to look on the cheerful side, made toast.

'They've got a wizard in, down in Creel Springs,' said Gammer Brevis. 'There wasn't anyone to take over when old Granny Hopliss passed on, so they sent off to Ankh-Morpork for a wizard. An actual wizard. With a staff. He's got a shop there and everything, with a brass sign on the door. It says “Wizard”.'

The witches sighed.

'Mrs Singe passed on,' said Gammer Brevis. 'And Gammer Peavey passed on.'

'Did she? Old Mabel Peavey?' said Nanny Ogg, through a shower of crumbs. 'How old was she?'

'One hundred and nineteen,' said Gammer Brevis. 'I said to her, “You don't want to go climbing mountains at your age” but she wouldn't listen.'

'Some people are like that,' said Granny. 'Stubborn as mules. Tell them they mustn't do something and they won't stop till they've tried it.'

'I actually heard her very last words,' said Gammer.

'What did she say?' said Granny.

'As I recall, “oh bugger”,' said Gammer.

'It's the way she would have wanted to go,' said Nanny Ogg. The other witches nodded.

'You know ... we could be looking at the end of witchcraft in these parts,' said Gammer Brevis.

They stared at the fire again.

'I don't 'spect anyone's brought any marshmallows?' said Nanny Ogg, hopefully.

Granny Weatherwax looked at her sister witches. Gammer Brevis she couldn't stand; the old woman taught school on the other side of the mountain, and had a nasty habit of being reasonable when provoked. And Old Mother Dismass was possibly the most useless sibyl in the history of oracular revelation. And Granny really couldn't be having at all with Nanny Ogg, who was her best friend.

'What about young Magrat?' said Old Mother Dismass innocently. 'Her patch runs right alongside Desiderata's. Maybe she could take on a bit extra?'