Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

'Helping a friend with a bit of business,' said Nanny. 'My, these biscuits are tasty.'

'I means, I see by your eye,' said Mrs Pleasant, pushing the plate nearer to her, 'that you are of a magical persuasion.'

'Then you sees a lot further than most people in these parts,' said Nanny. 'Y'know, what'd improve these biscuits no end'd be something to dip 'em in, what d'you think?'

'How "bout something with bananas in it?'

'Bananas would be just the thing,' said Nanny happily. Mrs Pleasant waved imperiously at one of the maids, who set to work.

Nanny sat on her chair, swinging her stumpy legs and looking around the kitchen with interest. A score of cooks were working with the single-mindedness of an artillery platoon laying down a barrage. Huge cakes were being constructed. In the fireplaces whole carcasses of animals were being roasted; turnspit dogs galloped in their treadmills. A huge man with a bald head and a scar right across his face was patiently inserting little sticks into sausages.

Nanny hadn't had any breakfast. Greebo had had some breakfast, but this didn't make any difference. They were both undergoing a sort of exquisite culinary torture.

They both turned, as if hypnotized, to watch two maids stagger by under a tray of canapes.

'I can see you is a very observant woman, Mrs Ogg,' said Mrs Pleasant.

'Just a slice,' said Nanny, without thinking.

'I also determines,' Mrs Pleasant said, after a while, 'that you have a cat of no usual breed upon your shoulder there.'

'You're right there.'

'I knows I'm right.'

A brimming glass of yellow foam was slid in front of Nanny. She looked at it reflectively and tried to get back to the matter in hand.

'So,' she said, 'where would I go, do you think, to find out about how you do magic in - '

'Would you like somethin' to eat?' said Mrs Pleasant.

'What? My word!'

Mrs Pleasant rolled her eyes.

'Not this stuff. I wouldn't eat this stuff,' she said bitterly.

Nanny's face fell.

'But you cook it,' she pointed out.

'Only 'cos I'm told to. The old Baron knew what good food was. This stuff? It's nothing but pork and beef and lamb and rubbish for them that never tasted anything better. The only thing on four legs that's worth eating is alligator. I mean real food.'

Mrs Pleasant looked around at the kitchen.

'Sara!' she shouted.

One of the sub-cooks turned around.

'Yes, 'm?'

'Me and this lady is just going out. Just you see to everything, okay?'

'Yes, 'm.'

Mrs Pleasant stood up and nodded meaningfully at Nanny Ogg.

'Walls have ears,' she said.