Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

Magrat had dreamed of dresses like this. In the pit of her soul, in the small hours of the night, she'd danced with princes. Not shy, hardworking princes like Verence back home, but real ones, with crystal blue eyes and white teeth. And she'd worn dresses like this. And they had fitted.

She stared at the ruched sleeves, the embroidered bodice, the fine white lace. It was all a world away from her. . . well. . . Nanny Ogg kept calling them 'Magrats', but they were trousers, and very practical.

As if being practical mattered at all.

She stared for a long time.

Then, with tears streaking her face and changing colour as they caught the light of the fireworks, she took the knife and began to cut the dress into very small pieces.

The senior coachman's head bounced gently off his sandwiches.

Nanny Ogg stood up, a little unsteadily. She placed the junior footman's wig under his slumbering head, because she was not an unkind woman. Then she stepped out into the night.

A figure moved near the wall.

'Magrat?' hissed Nanny.

'Nanny?'

'Did you see to the dress?'

'Have you seen to the footmen?'

'Right, then,' said Granny Weatherwax, stepping out of the shadows. 'Then there's just the coach.'

She tiptoed theatrically to the coachhouse and opened the door. It grated loudly on the cobbles.

'Shsss!' said Nanny.

There was a stub of candle and some matches on a ledge. Magrat fumbled the candle alight.

The coach lit up like a glitter ball.

It was excessively ornate, as if someone had taken a perfectly ordinary coach and then gone insane with fretwork and gold paint.

Granny Weatherwax walked around it.

'A bit showy,' she said.

'Seems a real shame to smash it up,' said Nanny sadly. She rolled up her sleeves and then, as an afterthought, tucked the hem of her skirt into her drawers.

'Bound to be a hammer somewhere around here,' she said, turning to the benches along the walls.

'Don't! That'd make too much noise!' hissed Magrat. 'Hang on a moment. . .'

She pulled the despised wand out of her belt, gripped it tightly, and waved it towards the coach.

There was a brief inrush of air.

'Blow me down,' said Nanny Ogg. 'I never would have thought of that.'

On the floor was a large orange pumpkin.

'It was nothing,' said Magrat, risking a touch of pride.

'Hah! That's one coach that'll never roll again,' said Nanny.

'Hey . . . can you do that to the horses too?' said Granny.