Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

She looked reflectively at the wand.

'But first,' she said, transferring her gaze to Ella's pale face, 'you'd better bring in those naughty men who let themselves get so drunk. That's not respectful. And if you haven't got respect, you haven't got anything.'

The clicking of the wand was the only sound in the kitchen.

Nanny Ogg poked at the tall drink in front of her.

'Beats me why they puts an umbrella in it,' she said, sucking the cocktail cherry off the stick. 'I mean, do they want to stop it getting wet or something?'

She grinned at Magrat and Granny, who were both staring gloomily at the passing celebrations.

'Cheer up,' she said. 'Never seen such a pair of long faces in all my puff.'

'That's neat rum you're drinking,' said Magrat.

'You're telling me,' said Nanny, taking a swig. 'Cheers!'

'It was too easy,' said Granny Weatherwax.

'It was only easy 'cos we done it,' said Nanny. 'You want something done, we're the girls to do it, eh? You show me anyone else who could have nipped in there and done all that in the nick of time, eh? Especially the coach bit.'

'It doesn't make a good story,' said Granny.

'Oh, bugger stories,' said Nanny loftily. 'You can always change a story.'

'Only at the right places,' said Granny. 'Anyway, maybe they could get her a new dress and horses and a coach and everything.'

'Where? When?' said Nanny. 'It's a holiday. And there's no time, anyway. They'll be starting the ball at any moment.'

Granny Weatherwax's fingers drummed on the edge of the cafe table.

Nanny sighed.

'Now what?' she said.

'It doesn't happen like this,' said Granny.

'Listen, Esme, the only kind of magic that'd work right now is wand magic. And Magrat's got the wand.' Nanny nodded at Magrat. 'Ain't that so, Magrat?'

'Um,' said Magrat.

'Not lost it, have you?'

'No, but - '

'There you are, then.'

'Only. . . um . . . Ella said she'd got two godmothers . . .'

Granny Weatherwax's hand thumped down on the table. Nanny's drink flew into the air and overturned.

'That's rightl' roared Granny.

'That was nearly full. That was a nearly full drink,' said Nanny reproachfully.

'Come on!'

'Best part of a whole glass of- '