Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

'Tomato ketchup?'

'No, ma'am.'

'And they call this a gormay paradise,' muttered Nanny, as the band struck up the next dance. She nudged a tall figure helping himself to the lobster. 'Some place, eh?'

VERY NICE.

'Good mask you've got there.'

THANK YOU.

Nanny was spun around by Granny Weatherwax's hand on her shoulder.

'There's Magrat!'

'Where? Where?' said Nanny.

'Over there . . . sitting by the potted plants.'

'Oh, yes. On the chassy longyew,' said Nanny. “That's ”sofa" in foreign, you know,' she added.

'What's she doing?'

'Being attractive to men, I think.'

'What, Magratr

'Yeah. You're really getting good at that hypnotism, ain't you.'

* * *

Magrat fluttered her fan and looked up at the Compte de Yoyo.

'La, sir," she said. 'You may get me another plate of lark's eggs, if you really must.'

'Like a shot, dear lady!' The old man bustled off in the direction of the buffet.

Magrat surveyed her empire of admirers, and then extended a languorous hand towards Captain de Vere of the Palace Guard. He stood to attention.

'Dear captain,' she said, 'you may have the pleasure of the next dance.'

'Acting like a hussy,' said Granny disapprovingly.

Nanny gave her an odd look.

'Not really,' she said. 'Anyway, a bit of hussing never did anyone any harm. At least none of those men look like the Duc. 'Ere, what you doing?'

This was to a small bald-headed man who was trying surreptitiously to set up a small easel in front of them.

'Uh ... if you ladies could just hold still for a few minutes,' he said shyly. 'For the woodcut?'

'What woodcut?' said Granny Weatherwax.

'You know,' said the man, opening a small penknife. 'Everyone likes to see their woodcut in the broadsheets after a ball like this? “Lady Thing enjoying a joke with Lord Whatsit”, that sort of thing?'

Granny Weatherwax opened her mouth to reply, but Nanny Ogg laid a gentle hand on her arm. She relaxed a little and sought for something more suitable to say.

'I knows a joke about alligator sandwiches,' she volunteered, and shook Nanny's hand away. “There was a man, and he went into an inn and he said ”Do you sell alligator sandwiches?“ and the other man said ”Yes“ and he said, ”Then give me an alligator sandwich - and don't be a long time about it!'"