Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

'Oh, yes you was,' said Nanny. 'We know how this bit goes, see. The Prince goes all round the city with the slipper, trying to find the girl whose foot fits. That's what you was plannin'. So I can save you a bit of trouble, how about it?'

There was a flicker of uncertainty in Lily's expression.

'A girl,' she said, 'of marriageable age.'

'No problem there,' said Nanny cheerfully.

The dwarf Casanunda nudged a courtier proudly in the knees.

'She's a very close personal friend of mine,' he said proudly.

Lily looked at her sister.

'You're doing this. Don't think I don't know,' she said.

'I ain't doing a thing,' said Granny. 'It's real life happening all by itself.'

Nanny grabbed the slipper out of the Prince's hands and, before anyone else could move, slid it on to her foot.

Then she waggled the foot in the air.

It was a perfect fit.

'There!' she said. 'See? You could have wasted the whole day.'

'Especially because there must be hundreds of five-and-a-half-'

' - narrow fit - '

' - narrow fit wearers in a city this size,' Granny went on. 'Unless, of course, you happened to sort of go to the right house right at the start. If you had, you know, a lucky guess?'

'But that'd be cheatin',' said Nanny.

She nudged the Prince.

'I'd just like to add,' she said, 'that I don't mind doin' all the waving and opening things and other royal stuff, but I draw the line at sleepin' in the same bed as sunny jim here.'

'Because he doesn't sleep in a bed,' said Granny.

'No, he sleeps in a pond,' said Nanny. 'We had a look. Just a great big indoor pond.'

'Because he's a frog,' said Granny.

'With flies all over the place in case he wakes up in the night and fancies a snack,' said Nanny.

'I thought so!' said Magrat, pulling herself out of the grip of the guards. 'He had clammy hands!'

'Lots of men have clammy hands,' said Nanny. 'But this one's got 'em because he's a frog.'

'I'm a prince of blood royal!' said the Prince.

'And a frog,' said Granny.

'I don't mind,' said Casanunda, from somewhere down below. 'I enjoy open relationships. If you want to go out with a frog,that's fine by me . . .'

Lily looked around at the crowd. Then she snapped her fingers.

Granny Weatherwax was aware of a sudden silence.