Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

'Frogs' legs,' translated Nanny, without thinking.

The silence was filled with Granny Weatherwax taking a deep breath and a pale green colour creeping across Magrat's face. Nanny Ogg now thought quicker than she had done for a very long time.

'Not actual frogs' legs,' she said hurriedly. 'It's like Toad-in-the-Hole is really only sausage and batter puddin'. It's just a joke name.'

'It doesn't sound very funny to me,' said Granny. She turned to glare at the pancakes.

'At least they can't muck up a decent pancake,' she said. 'What'd they call them here?'

'Crap suzette, I think,' said Nanny.

Granny forbore to comment. But she watched with grim satisfaction as the owner finished the dish and gave her a hopeful smile.

'Oh, now he expects us to eat them,' she said. 'He only goes and sets fire to them, and then he still expects us to eat them!'

It might later have been possible to chart the progress of the witches across the continent by some sort of demographic survey. Long afterwards, in some quiet, onion-hung kitchens, in sleepy villages nestling among hot hills, you might have found cooks who wouldn't twitch and try to hide behind the door when a stranger came into the kitchen.

Dear Jason,

It is defnity more warmer here, Magrat says it is because we are getting further from the Hub and, a funny thing, all the money is different. You have to change it for other money which is all different shapes and is not proper money at all in my opnion. We generally let Esme sort that out, she gets a very good rate of exchange, it is amazing, Magrat says she will write a book called Travelling on One Dollar a Day, and it's always the same dollar. Esme is getting to act just like a foreigner, yesterday she took her shawl off, next thing it will be dancing on tables. This is a picture of some famous bridge or other. Lots of love, MUM.

The sun beat down on the cobbled street, and particularly on the courtyard of a little inn.

'It's hard to imagine,' said Magrat, 'that it's autumn back home.'

'Garkon? Mucho vino aveck zei, grassy ass.'

The innkeeper, who did not understand one word and was a good-natured man who certainly did not deserve to be called a garkon, smiled at Nanny. He'd smile at anyone with such an unlimited capacity for drink.

'I don't hold with putting all these tables out in the street, though,' said Granny Weatherwax, although without much severity. It was pleasantly warm. It wasn't that ^he didn't like autumn, it was a season she always looked forward to, but at her time of life it was nice to know that it was happening hundreds of miles away while she wasn't there.

Underneath the table Greebo dozed on his back with his legs in the air. Occasionally he twitched as he fought wolves in his sleep.

'It says in Desiderata's notes,' said Magrat, turning the stiff pages carefully, 'that in the late summer here they have this special traditional ceremony where they let a lot of bulls run through the street.'

are you doing, Gytha? We're ready to leave.'

Nanny Ogg looked up, her face still creased with the effort of composition.

'I thought it would be nice to send something to our Jason. You know, to stop him worryin'. So I done a drawing of this place on a piece of card and Mine Hair here will give it to someone going our way. You never know, it might get there.'

- continues Fine.

Nanny Ogg sucked the end of her pencil. Not for the first time in the history of the universe, someone for whom communication normally came as effortlessly as a dream was stuck for inspiration when faced with a few lines on the back of a card.

Well that about wraps it up for now, will fight wright again soone MUM. P.S. the Cat is looking very Peeky I think he misses his Home.

'Will you come on, Gytha? Magrat's getting my broom started for me.'

P.P.S. Granny sends her Love.

Nanny Ogg sat back, content in the knowledge of a job well done.*

Magrat reached the end of the town square and stopped to rest.

Quite an audience had gathered to see a woman with legs. They were very polite about it. Somehow, that made it worse.

'It doesn't fly unless you run really fast,' she explained, aware even as she spoke how stupid this sounded, especially if you were listening in a foreign language. 'I think it's called hump starting.' j