Lords and Ladies (Discworld 14)

“Yes. It is.”

“One's often wondered-”

“What?”

“How do you actually milk them?”

The unicorn prowled through the forest. It felt blind, and out of place. This wasn't a proper land. The sky was blue, not flaming with all the colours of the aurora. And time was passing. To a creature not born subject to time, it was a sensation not unakin to falling.

It could feel its mistress inside its head, too. That was worse even than the passing of time.

In short, it was mad.

Magrat sat with her mouth open.

“I thought queens were born,” she said.

“Oh, no,” said Mr. Brooks. “There ain't no such thing as a queen egg. The bees just decides to feed one of 'em up as a queen. Feeds 'em royal jelly”

“What happens if they don't?”

“Then it just becomes an ordinary worker, your ladyship,” said Mr. Brooks, with a suspiciously republican grin.

Lucky for it, Magrat thought.

“So they have a new queen, and then what happens to the old one?”

“Usually the old girl swarms,” said Mr. Brooks. “Pushes off and takes some of the colony with her. I must've seen a thousand swarms, me. Never seen a Royal swarm, though.”

“What's a Royal swarm?”

“Can't say for sure. It's in some of the old bee books. A swarm of swarms. It's something to see, they say.” The old ' beekeeper looked wistful for a moment.

'“Course,” he went on, righting himself, “the real fun starts if the weather's bad and the ole queen can't swarm, right?” He moved his hand in a sly circular motion. “What happens then is, the two queens - that's the old queen, right? And the new queen - the two queens start astalkin' one another among the combs, with the rain adrummin' on the roof of the hive, and the business of the hive agoin' on all around them,” Mr. Brooks moved his hands graphically, and Magrat leaned forward, “all among the combs, the drones all hummin', and all the time they can sense one another, 'cos they can tell, see, and then they spots one another and-”

“Yes? Yes?” said Magrat, leaning forward.

“Slash! Stab!”

Magrat hit her head on the wall of the hut.

“Can't have more'n one queen in a hive,” said Mr. Brooks calmly.

Magrat looked out at the hives. She'd always liked the look of beehives, up until now.

“Many's the time I've found a dead queen in front of the hive after a spell of wet weather,” said Mr. Brooks, happily. “Can't abide another queen around the place, you know. And it's a right old battle, too. The old queen's more cunnin'. But the new queen, she's really got everything to fight for.”

“Sorry?”

“If she wants to be mated.”

“Oh.”

“But it gets really interestin' in the autumn,” said Mr. Brooks. “Hive don't need any dead weight in the winter, see, and there's all these drones hangin' around not doing anything, so the workers drag all the drones down to the hive entrance, see, and they bite their-”

“Stop! This is horrible!” said Magrat. “I thought beekeeping was, well, nice.”

o;Why? Why a castle in Lancre?” she said, mainly to herself, because talking to Millie was like talking to yourself. “We've never fought anyone. Apart from outside the tavern on a Saturday night.”