Lords and Ladies (Discworld 14)

“That'd be that deep valley up near Slice,” said Carter.

They looked at him.

“What, exactly, are you talking about?” said Weaver.

“It's right behind the mountain,” said Carter, nodding knowingly. “Very shady there. That's what she meant, I expect. The place where the sun doesn't shine. Long way to go for a pill, but I suppose that's witches for you.”

Weaver winked at the others.

“Listen,” he said, “I'm telling you she meant . . . well, where the monkey put his nut.”

Carter shook his head.

“No monkeys in Slice,” he said. His face became suffused with a slow grin. “Oh, I get it! She was daft!”

“Them playwriters down in Ankh,” said Baker, “boy, they certainly know about us. Pass me the jug.”

Jason turned his head again. He was getting more and more uneasy. His hands, which were always in daily contact with iron, were itching.

“Reckon we ought to be getting along home now, lads,” he managed.

“'S'nice night,” said Baker, staying put. “Look at them stars a-twinklin'.”

“Turned a bit cold, though,” said Jason.

“Smells like snow,” said Carter.

“Oh, yeah,” said Baker. “That's right. Snow at midsummer. That's what they get where the sun don't shine.”

“Shutup, shutup, shutup,” said Jason.

“What's up with you?”

“It's wrong! We shouldn't be up here! Can't you feel it?”

“Oh, sit down, man,” said Weaver. “It's fine. Can't feel nothing but the air. And there's still more scumble in the jug.”

Baker leaned back.

“I remember an old story about this place,” he said. “Some man went to sleep up here once, when he was out hunting.”

The bottle glugged in the dusk.

“So what? I can do that,” said Carter. “I go to sleep every night, reg'lar.”

“Ah, but this man, when he woke up and went home, his wife was carrying on with someone else and all his children had grown up and didn't know who he was.”

“Happens to me just about every day,” said Weaver gloomily.

Baker sniffed.

“You know, it does smell a bit like snow. You know? That kind of sharp smell.”

Thatcher leaned back, cradling his head on his arm.

“Tell you what,” he said, “if I thought my old woman'd marry someone else and my hulking great kids'd bugger off and stop eating up the larder every day I'd come up here with a blanket like a shot. Who's got that jug?”

Jason took a pull out of nervousness, and found that he felt better as the alcohol dissolved his synapses.