Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

The other thing about Constable Carrot was that he was incapable of lying.

'Well, he doesn't like trolls much,' he said. 'We couldn't get a word out of him all day when he heard we had to advertise for a troll recruit. And then we had to have a dwarf, otherwise they'd be trouble. I'm a dwarf, too, but the dwarfs here don't believe it.'

'You don't say?' said Angua, looking up at him.

'My mother had me by adoption.'

'Oh. Yes, but I'm not a troll or a dwarf,' said Angua sweetly.

'No, but you're a w—'

Angua stopped. 'That's it, is it? Good grief! This is the Century of the Fruitbat, you know. Ye gods, does he really think like that?'

'He's a bit set in his ways.'

'Congealed, I should think.'

'The Patrician said we had to have a bit of representation from the minority groups,' said Carrot.

'Minority groups!'

'Sorry. Anyway, he's only got a few more days—'

There was a splintering noise across the street. They turned as a figure sprinted out of a tavern and hared away up the street, closely followed – at least for a few steps – by a fat man in an apron.

'Stop! Stop! Unlicensed thief!'

'Ah,' said Carrot. He crossed the road, with Angua padding along behind him, as the fat man slowed to a waddle.

' 'Morning, Mr Flannel,' he said. 'Bit of trouble?'

'He took seven dollars and I never saw no Thief Licence!' said Mr Flannel. 'What you going to do about it? I pay my taxes!'

'We shall be hotly in pursuit any moment,' said Carrot calmly, taking out his notebook. 'Seven dollars, was it?'

'At least fourteen.'

Mr Flannel looked Angua up and down. Men seldom missed the opportunity.

'Why's she got a helmet on?' he said.

'She's a new recruit, Mr Flannel.'

Angua gave Mr Flannel a smile. He stepped back.

'But she's a—'

'Got to move with the times, Mr Flannel,' said Carrot, putting his notebook away.

Mr Flannel drew his mind back to business.

'In the meantime, there's eighteen dollars of mine that I won't see again,' he said sharply.

'Oh, nil desperandum, Mr Flannel, nil desperandum,' said Carrot cheerfully. 'Come, Constable Angua. Let us proceed upon our inquiries.'

He proceeded off, with Flannel staring at them with his mouth open.

'Don't forget my twenty-five dollars,' he shouted.