Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'Oh, no,' said Sergeant Colon. 'He promised he wasn't going to touch it any more! Look, he's had a whole bottle!'

'What is it? Bearhugger's?' said Nobby.

'Shouldn't think so, he's still breathing. Come on, help me up with him.'

The Night Watch clustered around. Carrot had deposited Captain Vimes on a chair in the middle of the Watch House floor.

Angua picked out the bottle and looked at the label.

'C M. O. T. Dibbler's Genuine Authentic Soggy Mountain Dew,' she read. 'He's going to die! It says, “One hundred and fifty per cent proof”!'

'Nah, that's just old Dibbler's advertising,' said Nobby. 'It ain't got no proof. Just circumstantial evidence.'

'Why hasn't he got his sword?' said Angua.

Vimes opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the concerned face of Nobby.

'Aargh!' he said. 'Swor'? Gi' it 'way! Hooray!'

'What?' said Colon.

'No mo' Watsh! All go' . . .'

'I think he's a bit drunk,' said Carrot.

'Drun'? 'm not drun'! You wouldn'dare call m' drun' if I was sober!'

'Get him some coffee,' said Angua.

'I reckon he's beyond our coffee,' said Colon. 'Nobby, nip along to Fat Sally's in Squeezebelly Alley and get a jug of their special Klatchian stuff. Not a metal jug, mind.'

Vimes blinked as they manhandled him into a chair.

All go 'way,' he said. 'Bang! Bang!'

'Lady Sybil's going to be really mad,' said Nobby. 'You know he promised to leave it alone.'

'Captain Vimes?' said Carrot.

'Mm?'

'How many fingers am I holding up?'

'Mm?'

'How many hands, then?'

'Fo'?'

'Blimey, I haven't seen him like this for years,' said Colon. 'Here, let me try something. Want another drink, captain?'

'He certainly doesn't need a—'

'Shut up, I know what I'm doing. Another drink, Captain Vimes?'

'Mm?'

'I've never known him not be able to give a loud clear “yes!”,' said Colon, standing back. 'I think we'd better get him up to his room.'