Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'Actually . . .' said Carrot, just as he was being ushered out of the gate, 'there is one thing you could do.'

'Of course, of course.'

'Um, I know it's a bit cheeky,' said Carrot, 'but I've always been very interested in Guild customs . . . so . . . do you think someone could show me your museum?'

'Sorry? What museum?'

'The clown museum?'

'Oh, you mean the Hall of Faces. That's not a museum. Of course. Nothing secret about it. Boffo, make a note. We'd be happy to show you around any time, corporal.'

'Thank you very much, Dr Whiteface.'

Any time.'

'I'm just going off duty,' said Carrot. 'Right now would be nice. Since I happen to be here.'

'You can't go off duty when— ow!' said Colon.

'Sorry, sergeant?'

'You kicked me!'

'I accidentally trod on your sandal, sergeant. I'm sorry.'

Colon tried to see a message in Carrot's face. He'd got used to simple Carrot. Complicated Carrot was as unnerving as being savaged by a duck.

'We'll, er, we'll just be going, then, shall we?' he said.

'No point in staying here now it's all settled,' said Carrot, mugging furiously. 'May as well take the night off, really.'

He glanced at the rooftops.

'Oh, well, now it's all settled we'll be off, right,' said Colon. 'Right, Nobby?'

'Oh, yeah, we'll be off all right, because it's all settled,' said Nobby. 'You hear that, Cuddy?'

didn't have to do that,' he said.

'I just wanted to get into the spirit of the thing,' said Carrot. 'I'm Corporal Carrot and this is the citizens' militia, and we all enjoy a good laugh.'

' 'Scuse me—'

'Except for Lance-Constable Cuddy. And Lance-Constable Detritus enjoys a good laugh too, although some minutes after everyone else. And we're here to see Dr Whiteface.'

The clown's hair rose. Water squirted from his buttonhole.

'Have – have you got an appointment?' he said.

'I don't know,' said Carrot. 'Have we got an appointment?'

'I've got an iron ball with spikes on,' Nobby volunteered.

'That's a morningstar, Nobby.'

'Is it?'

'Yes,' said Carrot. 'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two, isn't it, Mr—?' He raised his eyebrows.