Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'I don't know about that, I'm only a corporal,' said Carrot. 'But I've never disobeyed a direct order yet, and I am sorry to have to tell you that I will carry out this one fully and to the letter.'

'Now, see here—'

Carrot moved a little closer.

'If it's any comfort, I'll probably be ashamed about it,' he said.

The clown stared into his honest eyes and saw, as did everyone, only simple truth.

'Listen! If I shout,' said Dr Whiteface, going red under his makeup, 'I can have a dozen men in here.'

'Believe me,' said Carrot, 'that will only make it easier for me to obey.'

Dr Whiteface prided himself on his ability to judge character. In Carrot's resolute expression there was nothing but absolute, meticulous honesty. He fiddled with a quill pen and then threw it down in a sudden movement.

'Confound it!' he shouted. 'How did you find out, eh? Who told you?'

'I really couldn't say,' said Carrot. 'But it makes sense anyway. There's only one entrance to each Guild, but the Guild Houses are back to back. Someone just had to cut through the wall.'

'I assure you we didn't know about it,' said the clown.

Sergeant Colon was lost in admiration. He'd seen people bluff on a bad hand, but he'd never seen anyone bluff with no cards.

'We thought it was just a prank,' said the clown. 'We thought young Beano had just done it with humorous intent, and then he turned up dead and we didn't—' 'You'd better show me the hole,' said Carrot.

The rest of the Watch stood to variations on the theme of At Ease in the courtyard.

'Corporal Nobbs?'

'Yes, Lance-Constable Cuddy?'

'What is it everyone says about dwarfs?'

'Oh, come on, you're pulling my leg, right? Everyone knows that who knows anything about dwarfs,' said Nobby.

Cuddy coughed.

'Dwarfs don't,' he said.

'What do you mean, dwarfs don't?'

'No-one's told us what everyone knows about dwarfs,' said Cuddy.

'Well . . . I expect they thought you knew,' said Nobby, weakly.

'Not me.'

'Oh, all right,' said Nobby. He glanced at the trolls, then leaned across to Cuddy and whispered in the approximate region of his ear.

Cuddy nodded.

'Oh, is that all?'

'Yes. Er . . . is it true?'

'What? Oh, yes. Of course. It's nat'ral for a dwarf. Some have got more than others, of course.'

'That's the case all round,' said Nobby.