Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'How?'

'How? He recognized him, of course. That's how you know who people are. You look at them and you say . . . that's him. That's called re-cog-nit-ion,' said the clown, with pointed deliberation. 'It was Beano. Boffo said he looked very worried.'

'Ah. Fine. No more questions, doctor. Did Beano have any friends among the Assassins?'

'Well . . . possibly, possibly. We don't discourage visitors.'

Carrot stared at the clown's face. Then he smiled.

'Of course. Well, that about wraps it all up, I think.'

'If only he'd stuck to something, you know, original,' said Dr Whiteface.

'Like a bucket of whitewash over the door, or a custard pie?' said Sergeant Colon.

'That's right!'

'Well, we might as well be going,' said Carrot. 'I imagine you don't want to lay a complaint about the Assassins?'

Dr Whiteface tried to look panicky, but this did not work very well under a mouth painted into a wide grin.

'What? No! I mean – if an Assassin broke into our Guild, I mean, not on proper business, and stole something, well, we'd definitely consider we were within our rights to, well—'

'Pour jelly into his shirt?' said Angua.

'Hit him around the head with a bladder on a stick?' said Colon.

'Possibly.'

'Each Guild to their own, of course,' said Carrot. 'I suggest we might as well be going, sergeant. Nothing more for us to do here. Sorry to have troubled you, Dr Whiteface. I can see this must have been a great strain on you.'

The clown was limp with relief.

'Don't mention it. Don't mention it. Happy to help. I know you have your job to do.'

He ushered them down the stairs and into the courtyard, bubbling with small talk now. The rest of the Watch clanked to attention.

'Actually . . .' said Carrot, just as he was being ushered out of the gate, 'there is one thing you could do.'

'Of course, of course.'

'Um, I know it's a bit cheeky,' said Carrot, 'but I've always been very interested in Guild customs . . . so . . . do you think someone could show me your museum?'

'Sorry? What museum?'

'The clown museum?'

'Oh, you mean the Hall of Faces. That's not a museum. Of course. Nothing secret about it. Boffo, make a note. We'd be happy to show you around any time, corporal.'

'Thank you very much, Dr Whiteface.'

Any time.'

'I'm just going off duty,' said Carrot. 'Right now would be nice. Since I happen to be here.'

'You can't go off duty when— ow!' said Colon.

'Sorry, sergeant?'