Big Dicker (Harem Station 3)

“Right?” She laughs again. “Crazy place. I love it. I might vacation here myself just to get in on the poker games.”

“OK. I gotta go. The station is pinging me and that might be my neutrino wave call. Just… stay put and… don’t lose.”

“You worry too much, Jimmy. I got this! And hurry up, I want my winnings from that ship. Dicker out.”

The call drops and immediately the station is pinging me. “This is Jimmy,” I say.

“Mr. Shazelcroft?” a man asks.

I close my eyes and make myself be patient. How would I ever know if this call really was for me or some random dude called Shazelcroft? Like… what do people hear when I say Jimmy? Jimmy. It’s so simple. Two syllables. Five letters. Just… what the fuck? And how come they don’t ever hear the same thing? The made-up name changes every single time.

I decide I don’t care and let it go. “Yup. This is Jimmy.”

“Oh, perfect. Mr. Shazelcroft, your neutrino wave is ready.”

“That was fast.”

“Yes.” He chuckles. “You must be well connected, Mr. Shazelcroft. Either that or the station has taken a liking to you. She bumped you up the list.”

“She?” I ask. “Who is this station? Does she have a name?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t divulge that information. Proprietary property law and we all sign non-disclosure agreements when we’re hired on. But I can assure you, she’s quite nice to work for, if that matters.”

“I guess… OK, so do I need to come to your offices or something? I’ve never had to make a neutrino wave call on the road before.”

“No, no. It’s quite simple. Sending you a form to fill out now.”

My wristband pings and a form appears.

“Now, one thing. You only get a hundred and forty characters. So make it pithy.”

“What the fuck? I paid a million credits for this?”

“And you can buy another hundred and forty characters if you need it.”

“Let me guess, that’s another seven hundred thousand credits?”

“Plus tax and service charge.”

“Right. I’ll stick to the limit.”

“Perfect,” he says. “Just type it in and press send. You have the address, I assume?”

“Yes,” I say.

“Greee-at! Put that in the address bar and we’ll shoot it out into the nearest gate. Depending on where your party is, it should arrive within a standard Minion hour. Now this is my standard speech, and I’m sure you already know, but I have to say it. So bear with me. Your party most likely does not have access to a two-way neutrino wave comms device, so we do not offer incoming neutrino wave messages for guests.”

Because of course they don’t. That would make too much sense. Besides, they’d probably charge me a million credits to accept it, anyway. He’s probably doing me a favor.

“But if they have an urgent reply there are several nearby resorts in the Vacation Sector that can relay a station-to-station message to us should they feel the need to contact you back. And you’ll be happy to know, we do not charge for those incoming messages.”

“Fine,” I say.

“Any other questions?”

“Um…” I actually have a lot of questions, but all of them are about the station and that’s a dead end. So I say, “No. I’m good.”

“So glad I could be of service to you today, Mr. Shazelcroft. Oh, and I almost forgot.”

“Now what?” I ask.

“At the station’s suggestion I’ve taken the liberty of applying for a Mighty Minions rewards card for you. All you have to do is press accept on your application which you should be receiving—”

My wristband dings.

“—right about now.”

“A rewards card, huh?”

“We have some pretty excellent perks, Mr. Shazelcroft. I urge you to just sign. You’ve spent enough in one spin to qualify for Palladium Level!”

I press the accept tab on my screen, because why the fuck not? I earned it. Black and red confetti starts dropping all over me. When I look up there’s a bot with a huge digital Congratulations, New Platinum Awards Member! sign blinking out in front of it.

“That’s your new personal Mighty Minions Ambassador! He will escort you around the park and give you jump-the-line access to all the rides and attractions. Enjoy your stay and have a very happy Mighty Minions day!” the ambassador coos.

Then he ends the call.

“Just what I need,” I growl. “A babysitter.”

Something is not right here. This place was creepy when I first landed but this is too much. I don’t like the idea of a station bot following me around.

But then again… having a station spy means that Delphi and I can relax a little until Luck gets here. It’s security, I realize.

Hmmm.

I quickly type in the message to Luck, keeping it short and pithy.

Luck, this is Jimmy. I need help on Mighty Minions Station. Come immediately. And bring a new water generator. Mine’s broken.

I type in his access code address and press send, letting out a long breath of air as I do that.