Carpe Jugulum (Discworld 23)

The Count looked astonished. 'Well, yes. Of course!'

'So we'll always be pushed around by you, for ever? We'll just be your children for ever?'

'My dear, what do you think you-'

'And don't try that voice on me! That only works on the meat! So I'll be sent to my room for being disobedient for ever?'

'We did let you have your own rack-'

'Oh, yes! And for that I have to nod and smile and be nice with meat?'

'Don't you dare talk to your father like that!' screamed the Countess.

'And don't talk about Agnes like that!' snarled Vlad.

'Did I use the word Agnes? Did I refer to her in any way?' said Lacrimosa, coldly. 'I don't believe I did. I wouldn't dream of mentioning her at all.'

'I can't be having with this arguing!' shouted the Count.

'That's it, isn't it?' said Lacrimosa. 'We don't argue! We just do what you say, for ever.'

'We agreed-'

'No, you agreed, and no one disagreed with you. Vlad was right!'

'Indeed?' said the Count, turning to his son. 'Right about what, prey?'

Vlad's mouth opened and shut once or twice as he hastily assembled a coherent sentence. 'I may have mentioned that the whole Lancre business might be considered unwise-'

'Oh,' said the Countess. 'You know so much about wisdom all of a sudden and you're barely two hundred?'

'Unwise?' said the Count.

'I'd say stupid!' said Lacrimosa. 'Little badges? Gifts? We don't give anything! We're vampiresl We take what we want, like this-'

She reached out, grabbed a man standing near her, and turned, mouth open and hair flying.

And stopped, as if she'd been frozen.

Then she buckled, one hand reaching for her throat, and glared at her father.

'What... did you do?' she gasped. 'My throat... feels... You did something!'

The Count rubbed his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Lacci-'

'And don't call me thatl You know how I hate that!'

There was a brief scream from one of the lesser vampires behind them. Agnes couldn't remember his name, it was probably Fenrir or Maledicta or something, but she did recall that he preferred to be known as Gerald. He sagged to his knees, clawing at his throat. None of the other vampires looked very happy, either. A couple of them were kneeling and groaning, to the bewilderment of the citizens.

'I don't... feel very well,' said the Countess, swaying slightly. 'I did say I didn't think wine was a good idea...'

The Count turned and stared at Agnes. She took a step back.

'It's you, isn't it?' he said.

'Of course it is!' moaned Lacrimosa. 'You know that old woman put her self somewhere, and she must've known Vlad was soppy on that lump!'

She's not in here, is she? said Perdita. Don't you know? Agnes thought, backing away again. Well, I don't think she is, but is it me doing the thinking? Look, she's hidden her self in that priest, we know it. No, we don't, you just thought that'd be a smart thing for her to do because everyone would think she's hiding in the baby.