Carpe Jugulum (Discworld 23)

'Yes!'

'And eatin' garlic?'

'Yes!'

'That can't be right, can it?'

'I don't know, perhaps we used the wrong sort of garlic!'

Nanny rubbed her chin, torn between the vampiric revelation and prurient curiosity about Perdita.

'How does Perdita work, then?' she said.

Agnes sighed. 'Look, you know the part of you that wants to do all the things you don't dare do, and thinks the thoughts you don't dare think?'

Nanny's face stayed blank. Agnes floundered. 'Like... maybe... rip off all your clothes and run naked in the rain?' she hazarded.

'Oh, yes. Right,' said Nanny.

'Well... I suppose Perdita is that part of me.'

'Really? I've always been that part of me,' said Nanny. 'The important thing is to remember where you left your clothes.'

Agnes remembered too late that Nanny Ogg was in many ways a very uncomplicated personality.

'Mind you, I think I know what you mean,' Nanny went on in a more thoughtful voice. 'There's times when I've wanted to do things and stopped meself...' She shook her head. 'But... vampires... Verence wouldn't be so stupid as to send an invitation to vampires, would he?' She paused for thought. 'Yes, he would. Prob'ly think of it as offering the hand of friendship.'

She stood up. 'Right, they won't have left yet. Let's get straight to the jelly. You get extra garlic and a few stakes, I'll round up Shawn and Jason and the lads.'

'It won't work, Nanny. Perdita saw what they can do. The moment you get near them you'll forget all about it. They do something to your mind, Nanny.'

Nanny hesitated. 'Can't say I know that much about vampires,' she said.

'Perdita thinks they can tell what you're thinking, too.'

'Then this is Esme's type of stuff,' said Nanny. 'Messing with minds and so on. It's meat and drink to her.'

'Nanny, they were talking about staying! We have to do something!'

'Well, where is she?' Nanny almost wailed. 'Esme ought to be sortin' this out!' ;Look, I'm Nanny Ogg and thith, excuse me, this is Agnes Nitt. And you are...?'

'My name ith... well, it'th Igor, ath a matter of facththth,' said Igor. He raised a hasty finger. 'But it might not have been!'

'It's a chilly night. Can we get you something?' said Nanny cheerfully.

'Perhaps a towel?' said Agnes.

Nanny nudged her in the ribs to be silent. 'A glass of wine, p'raps?' she said.

'I do not drink... wine,' said Igor haughtily.

'I've got some brandy,' said Nanny, hitching up her skirt.

'Oh, right. I drink brandy like thtink.'

Knickerleg elastic twanged in the gloom.

'So,' said Nanny, passing up the flask, 'what're you doing this far from home, Igor?'